ToTW what you should know:

[atlasdreamer]

Specific Proffesional Advice


1. Agents:
You are required by the Anarchy Online EULA to start regailing teammates of the Damage you can do on your main, another Agent (that no one has ever heard of for some reason). This is in fact required and failure to do so will result in your permanant banning from AO and possibly in something unspeakable happening to your puppy. You must explain that you pulled an Aim Shot on a ferocious mob such as the Lord of the Void, killing him in one shot no less. You will also be required to explain how you were using False Proffesion MP to lure <insert Faction epithet> to their doom. The best options in ToTW are for you to sneak the entire way through ToTW ensuring you have the maximum charge built up with aim shot. The only exception to this is if there is loot on a corpse, at this point it is not only acceptable but required for you to de-sneak and loot claiming that it was your aim-shot that dropped the mob.

2. Metaphysicists:
First rule of MP's is you whine about being an MP. The second rule of MP's is you whine about MP's. now that thats out of the way....MP's bring a unique power to the team. We dont know what it is but we are sure there is one...somewhere. MP's players are deranged, bitter, twisted people that suffer from severe Multiple personality Disorders. Just ask them. These folks are so confused that even the personifications of their rage that they summon are confused. MP's should at all times conserve their awesome power by refusing to summon their pets untill the last minute. They should make certain they survive any fight by only sending their heal pets to heal themselves. Rumor has it that they have a Mezz pet but in fact this is a lie. Use of a mezz pet is deemed to be a class three felony. Possesion of a mezz pet will get you arrested for intent to mezz. remember MP's just say no to Mezz pets, FC did.

MORE TO COME: I am too tired to continue

[atlasdreamer]

3. Soldiers
You're job is to die, you will be expected to charge in guns blazing! to die honorably for the good of the team, or rather the good of the team leader because he is still two hallways back looting corpses. If you live more than a minute an a half dureing a fight then you have done something wrong, re-roll you selfish leadhead! If for some reason another teammate perishs before you do, its YOUR fault, even more so than Doctors. You were supposed to throw all of your sheilds on the team and left nothing for yourself.

4. Crats! aka the XP stick
First of all you dirty cheating XP stealing exploiters, its your job to steal XP and give it to Me, or at least your team leader. You Will be accused of stealing XP. You will be expected to controll any number of adds. You will be told that its your Job to prevent team stupidity. You will recieve a trip to reclaim for your efforts. Your reward? To be allowed into the presence of The Ubah 3L337 TeamLeader. Congratulations! and remember dont hate tha playa hate tha GAAAME1!11!!

5. Keepers
First of all what are you doing here anyway you goodytwoshoewannabe's? Oh thats right you are here to stand up front and take the damage while smarter folks hang around at the back and loot for you. Get your Frostbound Scyth in a hurry, they wont last long and are an extremely rare drop. Make sure to Tell your team how you tanked azture at level 20 and was able to solo him at level 50. Also you are required to repeatedly demand that your team go straight for GOT and Aztur as you have important stuff to do outside of ToTW.......um like....well theres always.....Oh yeah thats right! H3cKl0rZ!!1!11! Okay now that we have that out of the way on to specific strategies for success. First dont buff yourself. it takes too long and your buffs are useless anyway, but do demand that everyone buffs YOU! Dont bother to loot anything, thats the job of the team leader and the Agent, they will tell you if there is anything of interest to you. Oh before heading out for ToTW make sure you have your Essence buffs because you will be asked for them about 50000 times.

6. Enforcers
This is probably one of the Hardest proffesions to play in the game. Especially at ToTW. before heading out to ToTW make sure that you have Twinked on that Ubah railroad beam you found in the subway. Delete any Mongo nanos as they will lead to swift and decisive reclaim. Agro is bad guys, adn you are allergic to it so make sure you do all in your power to prevent you getting agro from mobs. You will however want to have Essence of Behemouth uploaded, and dont give me that whole "I'm only level 25" crap. That is a sure sign that you are a gimp and will be told so repeatedly. If you were unable to get ahold of the massive beam from the Subway another good weapon for you is any gun with FA/SA/AS/Burst/BS. Also make sure you get the nano Atroxviagra, this will make you large and in charge. One of the better tactics for you to take is when the team rushs headlong into a fight, go the other way and outflank the enemy. If a teammate gets in trouble dont run back to help him, this is considered bad form and could get you kicked out of the Enfo guild. Above all conserve your strength for the coming battle with Hecklers in the Shadowlands, if you are a froob then you will need to conserve your strength for standing outside of a basic shop demanding credits for the next 200 levels as this is how a froob actually gains levels.

[3leftfeet]

LOL! This is great, I've always though of TotW as some kind of sick right of passage for new players. If you can get the crap you need out of TotW without deciding to quit the game and hang yourself, you are truly dedicated! Congrats!

[Clamdigger]

There should be a message about Composite Mocham's as well.

CM is the best nano in the game. If you had it, you could pretty much cast anything, but you don't right now. It's an admission of weakness if you can't cast (or don't have) every nano available to your profession. Hey, Trader, got a wrangle? "Nope, need CM, then I can 131." Hey doc, where's the healing, I've died four times! "Hmmm, need CM to use my l33t healz." Hey, enfo, how come you aren't mongoing? "CM plz." Engie, where's that slayerdroid you were bragging about earlier? I thought you said we were going to kill Azzy. "Uhhh, know any MP?"

Luckily, this buff can be cast by any MP above level 15, so spam for it early and often. MP's who say they don't have the nano are probably just kidding around with you. Asking for these buffs in /v chat will excuse you from doing anything else, which is nice. If you do get it, remember that it lasts only until someone asks you to actually perform one of your bragged-about buffs, at which point you need to start inquiring about Reanimator Robes on the shopping channel. Don't be afraid to send tells, even if you don't have any creds. Most reputable sellers will take an IOU.

In the unlikely event that you can't locate this routine buff, log off angrily and do something else. Uber people don't enter TOTW unbuffed. Be sure to let the next MP you encounter know about your unpleasant experience by not tipping him.

[atlasdreamer]

There should be a message about Composite Mocham's as well.

CM is the best nano in the game. If you had it, you could pretty much cast anything, but you don't right now. It's an admission of weakness if you can't cast (or don't have) every nano available to your profession. Hey, Trader, got a wrangle? "Nope, need CM, then I can 131." Hey doc, where's the healing, I've died four times! "Hmmm, need CM to use my l33t healz." Hey, enfo, how come you aren't mongoing? "CM plz." Engie, where's that slayerdroid you were bragging about earlier? I thought you said we were going to kill Azzy. "Uhhh, know any MP?"

Luckily, this buff can be cast by any MP above level 15, so spam for it early and often. MP's who say they don't have the nano are probably just kidding around with you. Asking for these buffs in /v chat will excuse you from doing anything else, which is nice. If you do get it, remember that it lasts only until someone asks you to actually perform one of your bragged-about buffs, at which point you need to start inquiring about Reanimator Robes on the shopping channel. Don't be afraid to send tells, even if you don't have any creds. Most reputable sellers will take an IOU.

In the unlikely event that you can't locate this routine buff, log off angrily and do something else. Uber people don't enter TOTW unbuffed. Be sure to let the next MP you encounter know about your unpleasant experience by not tipping him.

Hmm That is so basic I actually forgot ops:
I am glad you were around to catch my error

[atlasdreamer]

7. Shade
You are Teh DmG GOD!! make sure everyone knows it. The ways to do this are to OD everyone around you or at least tell them that you are, reality has no bearing on the damage a shade can do. Shades are quite possibly almost as hard as Enforcers to play. You will be expected to OD everyone including the ARK that just showed up to talk to your team leader about that Exploiting Engi that was just down here. Now occasionally through a bug in the game a mob will actually live through your alpha so at that point you need to rely heavily on your defenses, namely running away. Justify this by Complaining that the <insert proffesion> isnt doing their job. There are two weapons in ToTW that were specifically made for SHades, unfortunatly they have been removed from the game for being too Ubah, so you will have to content yourselves with...oh yeah, DM's and Tears of Ulkesh. Once you have gotten these head back to that pit from whence you came, namely Nascence HEcklers.

.8 Doctors
This is probably one of the better proffesions for ToTW, mainly because you can keep the team leader alive. If someone dies in the team it will be your fault so prepare your excuses ahead of time. The two most popular excuses currently are "sorry dude CM ran out" (even if you are only level 2) or "Dude, My nano ran out! why didnt you keep my nanos up?". Another common though less acceptable excuse is "This user is AFK and will return shortly". For some reason most teams get really angry over a Doctor excersizing his divine right to go AFK and stay gone for 4 hours why following the team leader. Respond with an AFK message and go back to playing halo. Should you make the mistake of healing your team mates those ungratefull rotten , backstabbin, ninja-lootin jerks will expect you to keep healing them. so keep it to a minimum preferably when you are certain no one will notice. You had better keep a sharp eye out though and watch out for someone like the enforcer ninja looting the chalice you need so badly to be ubah.

9. Adventurers
This proffesion is mainly played by Developers, you can tell this because everyone of them believes they have the divine right to Kill anyone and everyone in PvP. Adventurers get the best gear, nanos, and perks in the game, if you are not a developer please re-roll as you are in violation of the EULA. Though there is a clause buried somewhere around page ten subsection 12 line 5 that states you can play an adventurer if you happen to know a developer or are related to one, at least this is the common perception. If you manage to get an advy in your team you win. It is then their job to immediatly gift you with a complete set of pH!@tZ and 10 levels. One more thing, only Atrox's are allowed to be Adventurers if you see a solitus adventurer petition him immediatly as he is obviously exploiting.

[Clamdigger]

Hmm That is so basic I actually forgot ops:
I am glad you were around to catch my error

Hilarious thread... glad I could contribute!

[atlasdreamer]

10. Engineers
There are two schools of thought regarding ToTW and the Engineer, The first is that Engineers Should never buff anyone. Pull Massive numbers of followers due to their sexy bots and then blame the bots for it. The second school of though is more prevalent and possibly more accurate. I will go into more depth on this method of assaulting ToTW with an Engineer. First make sure that you buff your entire team with everything you have even if they dont want it. they will so ignore them. Then Spend 20 minutes buffing your bot and getting it just right. Your armour should be self made and you should have the ability and the equipment/supplies nessesary to make new armore for you teammates on the spot. Engineers are wealthy by definition so if you dont have two creds to rub together you have done something wrong and should re-roll. Be prepared to respond politely to 235234534 requests for Carbonum armore, AC buffs, Dmg buffs, and cR3dZplxkthx. It is a requirement that you be able to dispense 1 million creds to every person that asks, even the guy wearing full combined ALien amore. Should you be unable to comply with demands that you kill azture for someone claim its the MP's fault because your Mochams ran out and your bot is OE, even if your bot is Grey to you. Now regarding Dmg dealing. You should be able to OD everyone except for Advys of course, unless you belong to another team or are soloing in which case you are exploiting and should be banned. One last note, dont buy the Intrusive Aura's as soon as you are able to, these help your teammates ninja loot and could be considered an exploit as you are stealing XP from the team.

11. Fixers
Remember smurfs and smurfetts, your job is to run ahead and draw fire so your team can just run by and ignore you. The reason Fixers have earned the nickname smurfs is because their primary armore is currently bugged and wipes out all dmg dealt to them. this has the side effect of turning them blue, as well as making them short, and sing bad songs with no words. All fixers are played by patients in Mental Asylums. This was proven a while back when a number of them got together to build a sculpture of GOT in ammo, that and several fixers have been caught writing obscene words with ammo in various cities, but the less said of that the better. Fixers are the Masters of GFShotncuplxkthxby. They have the unique ability to get buff begged more than anyone other than MP's in the game without turning violent.

[atlasdreamer]

12. Martial Artists
Young Grasshopper, if you can grab the loot from the corpse before the Agent you will be ready. Here in ToTW you will find the wisdome of the ages and powerfull attacks such as "whine of the MP", "deadly Fist of Khalum". You oh wise ones must take the lead and Take all damage for the team. You are wise enough to know that your healing is the fine line between success and failure. The current trends in playing a Martial Artist are to complain endlessly about being stealth nerfed, Equiping ubah weapons such as Bows...because as we all know in the 2343th century this will be the height of weaponry for the masters of a million year old discipline. Unfortunatly everyone else has learned how to deal with you Poncy posers and will dish out trips to reclaim as needed. Such situations will be: When you are tanking, when you are healing, When you are wearing a banana suit, when you are afk, when you are taking a potty break and when you are breathing. Tread carefully, and run quickly young master......before that sneaky Agent ninja's everything.


13. Traders
There are still people that play traders? WoW! and I thought folks that played MP's were masochists...welp here goes.
The first peace of advice I can give you is that if you have accidentally leveled high enough to make a ToTW assault you have obviously either made a mistake or have developed a severe masochistic fetish. You will be expected to hand out 2347892349 Wrangles , 131 wrangles....at level 12. You will be expected to weild only SHotguns, So please make sure to equip your finest gofle prod and out to inflict massive carnage. Please be advised that you will be expected to keep the team healed, wrangled, and do damage, did I mention wrangling? Your job is to make sure everyone else can wear their gear properly. After this is taken care of you will be given a very special message. Namely "you have been kicked from team"


14. NanoTechs
Last and certainly Not least are the NanoTechs. This proffesion has been described as a "glass Cannon" this is because you can do more damage to more mobs at one time than any other creature in game except maybe the Efus bomb. All this power comes at a cost though. The cost of that power is a complete inability to post on any forum thread without complaining. A secondary cost of this is that Advys got jealous and demanded that NT's never be allowed to use a weapon. Should you see an NT in ToTW equiped with a weapon please let the nearest advy know so they can nerf the NT's again. Recently NT's managed to discover the efus bomb and used it to blackmail the Head of Funcom, Silrillion, into giving them a new nuke. This nuke has the special ability of killing advys. This means that another Nerf is Nigh. You as an NT will be required to kill all mobs in ToTW at the same time. The only way to maintain the illusion of your mastery of Mass Destruction is to reply that your CM ran out and immediatly get yourself sent to reclaim. State that its the MP's fault and repeat loudly that had the Doctor/MA been doing their jobs you could have easily done your job. another tactic is to blame the Fixer for not giving you the mighty GSFNCUhotplzkthxby nano buff. In ToTW there is only one item of interest for you. That is the notum splice to obtain this demand that everyone train to DOT, then hide untill everyone is dead and nuke everything. Loot the Notum Splice and nuke yourself to reclaim. you can get away with this because of the whole Glass Cannon meme. You nuke once then self destruct usually causing the death of everyone around you including that trader following the team hopeing he gets to steal your XP.

[Ruffixx]

Hilarious post. Worth the read

[Ayria]

very funny, and kinda sad cause its quite true....

cant wait to read the rest

[3leftfeet]

Don't forget that NTs are expected to have CM running on them at all times. And whatever you do, do NOT let them loot the Notum Splice!

[atlasdreamer]

Now that I have revealed the secrets of ToTW and the inner workings of each proffesion as it applies to something. Should I have missed some facet of ToTW please drop me a quick tell and I will enlighten the Mass's. I will endeavor to start detailing the inner workings of such secrets as

Powerleveling for Noobs
How to gain respect through Spam
The froobs guide to earning Creds
How to ask for help
How to obtain the best equipment
How to annoy Silrillion to no end

[MistressRed]

Crats learn:
1. that not all charms are created equal.
2. That they will be expected to XP buff everyone 50% or more at level 20
3. That their pets have an strange desire to get them killed.

Oh it's just sooo true.

[MistressRed]

How to annoy Silrillion to no end

yes, how does a froob annoy Silrillion?

[DarkSektor]

Should I have missed some facet of ToTW please drop me a quick tell and I will enlighten the Mass's.

Great job on this. i lol'd a lot.

How about some helpful info on the logistics of getting to totw and some of the special things that happen as you wait outside the temple lft?

[Clamdigger]

Now that I have revealed the secrets of ToTW and the inner workings of each proffesion as it applies to something. Should I have missed some facet of ToTW please drop me a quick tell and I will enlighten the Mass's. I will endeavor to start detailing the inner workings of such secrets as

Powerleveling for Noobs
How to gain respect through Spam
The froobs guide to earning Creds
How to ask for help
How to obtain the best equipment
How to annoy Silrillion to no end

Powerlevelling for Noobs sounds pretty good... remember to go over "lft heck beach in ely, whether you know where that is or not," and the ever popular "just need to loot an insignia, hang on." Or even "No doc? n00bz! Soandso has left your team."

[Gonido]

omg so funny ^^ i read it all since the beginning and i'm still laughing ^^
please go on this is marvelous

2. Metaphysicists:
First rule of MP's is you whine about being an MP. The second rule of MP's is you whine about MP's. now that thats out of the way....MP's bring a unique power to the team. We dont know what it is but we are sure there is one...somewhere. MP's players are deranged, bitter, twisted people that suffer from severe Multiple personality Disorders. Just ask them. These folks are so confused that even the personifications of their rage that they summon are confused. MP's should at all times conserve their awesome power by refusing to summon their pets untill the last minute. They should make certain they survive any fight by only sending their heal pets to heal themselves. Rumor has it that they have a Mezz pet but in fact this is a lie. Use of a mezz pet is deemed to be a class three felony. Possesion of a mezz pet will get you arrested for intent to mezz. remember MP's just say no to Mezz pets, FC did.

<3 <3 so true :P

[dockwagon]

Classic stuff :-)

[Clamdigger]

You can also cover attack strategies when killing hecklers...

For example: "Shades, the art of going alpha on a Heck before anyone else knows you've joined the team, then complaining about aggro"

and "Aimed Shot, and other ways to pull 9 hecklers unannounced." Maybe even go into "Re-lfteaming: The art of sheepishly returning to your team once you quit immediately after dying and blaming the doc."

other viable topics:

Spamming your team leader about your need for a doc

Acting suprised when you arrive to find that no one has a pocket tank

Hey, let's go ask that running NT for a HE buff!

Advy with Cyclic Fury: "I'll pull a heck!"
(Yeah, it's funny, but I've done it)