ChitChat magazine, edition 27

Wedding bells are ringing!
by An Onymous, clan reporter.

Just less than an hour ago, a (maybe not so) surprising event took place in the middle of Newland! As usually seen around there Agrestus was fast-walking up to Mirura (his clan chickadee), and just as he seemed to trip and fall, it became clear that he was just kneeling in front of her, to present her a proposal ring!

Mirura was seen directly accepting, after which they hugged intimately, a bit too intimately even according to some witnesses, after which they both entered apartment complex 11, known as one of Agrestus' love locations.

Rumors are they're planning to marry within a year, after they try to escape the prying eyes of the ICC DoI, most likely by going into hiding.

Will they have a grand wedding? Is Mirura still good to marry in white? How big was the ring? Read it all in upcoming chitchat magazines!

For the love of 'Ka! How much utter nonsensical garbage can one mag throw up?

Is this "Agrestus Weekly" or something? Bah!

"What did you say they wrote?!"

Mirura mutters something under her breath about reporters and slow painful death..

How romantic!

*starts to study pictures to see if Mirura have put on weight with com on standby*

((Bwahahaha !))

Now now now.... where's the permits for this little affair here ? You wouldn't want this thing officiated by some shady, permitless person, wouldn't you ? Now fill out those forms before the neutral bureaucrats assign you a toothless minister via lack of proper bookage.

The room is dark, the curtains are drawn. A figure that can barely be seen lies sprawled across the double bed under the dark red covers. Curled up, head buried in the pillows.
A tinkling sound emits from a device on the wall and a small holo projector lights up, casting a faint blue luminessence across the room.
The figure stirs from her sleep and crawls towards the floating image across the bed. She stops and props herself up, squinting she begins to read the newly arrived message.
Muttering to herself as she crawls back she says,

Agrestus, you complete halfwit, what have you done now?

I have to say, as Agrestus's wife, I've stayed out of all this nonsense but I'm here to tell you that I am his wife, we are happily married and this whole bit about him proposing like a single man is ridiculous! I demand you stop slandering my husband!!

Just because he is married doesnt makes him a single man, wouldnt be the first time that a man eats of two cakes.

I hope you all are happy with yourselves. Had I not found the records of all this....this......pathetic excuse for news I would not even post here. Because of your insistence in continuing with these horrid, completely untrue statements, my dear friend Laurazuli is dead. You played into the hands of those who would harm her and Minister Agrestus. You gave them exactly the mean, hurtful ammunition to see their plans come to fruition. All I can say, dear Author, is that you had better run. Run far and fast, because if I EVER see you hanging around my org spot or any other shadowy, slime-covered cesspool I will run you through with my chiropteras so fast you will not even know what sent you to reclaim. You will be lucky if I don't have a few friends waiting for you at the terminal to make you dizzy in a reclaim loop from which I will not let you out until you learn the error of your ways. You are forewarned.

And to those who plotted and planned and schemed against my dear Laurazuli and my good friend Agrestus, be warned. I have smelled your stench in their apartment. I have your scent. I will track you down and make you wish reclaim could take the living. You will scream for permanent death over and over, and the only sound you will hear is my blades slowly searing, slicing your flesh. Think about that as you drift off to sleep, and your nightmares will only be a fraction of the reality of the pain that awaits you.