The Science Symposium

Here are the papers submitted to the 2nd Annual Isaac Asimov's Science Symposium. The following papers were submitted and can be read below:

1. Virta: The social dynamics of Omni-Ent cleaning bots
2. Bogosorter: The use of Kyr'Ozck weapons in alien society
3. Kithrak: Kry'Ozck bio-material in the food chain
4. Stanislaw: Quantum Positronic Thingy revealed.

Many thanks to Virta, Bogosorter, Kithrak and Stanislaw for their illuminating contributions and to everyone who participated.

Dabblez
Rubi-Ka Universal Robots



0. Introduction

Dabblez: Hello everyone
Dabblez: And welcome to the 2nd Annual Isaac Asimov Science Symposium
Dabblez: sponsored by Rubi-Ka Universal Robots
Dabblez: I am very excited about this event this year
Dabblez: It’s a rare opportunity for the finest scientific minds of the planet to share what they have learned or discovered in the past 12 months
Dabblez: I have the following speakers signed up, Bogosorter, Virta, Stanislaw and Kithrak
Dabblez: if anyone else wants to give a presentation, just send me a private tell
Dabblez: There will be an absolute maximum of 20 minutes per speaker including questions; I doubt it will come to that though
Dabblez: If you want a refresh of your drinks, just as Misbeehave
Dabblez: So with no further ado, let's welcome officer Virta of Omni-Pol

1. Virta: The social dynamics of Omni-Ent cleaning bots

Virta: smiles nervously
Virta: Thank you Dabblez
Equimon: claps
Virta: Good evening fellow scientists. I am Captain Hendrix from Omni-Pol.
Virta: adjusts his glasses
Virta: As well as protecting the innocent and upholding the law on Rubi-Ka,
Virta: I have a deep interest in the robotics.
Virta: My most recent studies include a fully automated traffic control system,
Virta: with increased use of speed camera, which I have developed myself.
Virta: However today I am going to talk about the small unknown soldiers,
Virta: who keep the trash out of our streets, quite literally.
Virta: Without further ado, meet Lisa!
Virta: projects an image on the wall of a small yellow rectangular box on wheels.
Virta: I have been studying the habits and the complex social structure of these
Virta: little cleaning robots.
Virta: looks at the picture and smiles.
Virta: The small clan which Lisa is a member of, has a territory of approximately
Virta: 290 square meters, in the vicinity of the Bronto Burger stand near
Virta: the east gate in Omni-1 Entertainment.
Virta: The temperature of their habitat varies from 26.86C to 26.87C degrees.
Virta: The terrain is mostly flat, and without cover.
Virta: The clan consists of 12-16 members, and Lisa here, seems to belong to the
Virta: lowest level of their hierarchy.
Virta: It seems they have chosen her as my contact, and she has proven very helpful
Virta: and actually very curious.
Virta: To establish relationship and trust, I built an observation post of
Virta: yellow metal plates.
Virta: projects another image of a large yellow rectangular box on wheels.
Virta: The small dents, shown here and here, on the observation post
Virta: are a result of an unintended conflict with their leader Brutus. Shown here.
Virta: projects an image of a small dented yellow box.
Virta: Happily my friend Lisa managed to steer him away before further damage was done.
Stanislaw: looks away
Virta: These are the results so far of this study. It is still work under progress,
Virta: and I intend to delve deeper into their relationship with the other clan at the
Virta: western grid terminal.
Virta: I am happy to answer any questions of this fascinating species of robots.
Virta: looks at the audience brightly.
Yarko: most interesting...
Bogosorter: raises his hand
Dabblez: raises her hand
Virta: Yes Bogosorter?
Bogosorter: Like, how do you tell one clan of 'bots from another, man?
Virta: Oh they have very distinct features, granted they are all yellow and same size
Virta: But you get to know them if you spend time with them
Bogosorter: nods
Wimsy: Why do you want to spend time with... those?
Wimsy: ewws
Virta: For science Wimsy, for science
Dabblez: nods
Virta: Dabblez? you had a question?
Equimon: nods to General Mcculloch
Dabblez: Yes. Why do you think they chose Lisa? Are they not ultimately identical?
Stanislaw: raises his hands
Virta: I have thought about it. Probably they were afraid and sent their least important member
Dabblez: I see
Virta: It is complex, and it is not my specialty. Social studies is not a REAL science, but it is a refreshing break
Virta: Yes Stanislaw?
Stanislaw: What you say suggests this bots are territorial....
Virta: Exactly!
Stanislaw: What happens if one bot ends up cleaning in some other bots zone..
Virta: beams
Stanislaw: Do we get a right good scuffle?
Virta: Well, they did attack me at first on my observation post
Wimsy: Spending time with garbage is refreshing?
Wimsy: rolls her eyes
Virta: But I think there will be some real drama ahead.
Stanislaw: Some real bot-vs bot action, yes?
Stanislaw: shadow boxes
Virta: I hope not, but it could get to that
Yarko: oh dear...
Bogosorter: It's about Science, man.
Equimon: nods to Director Mcchristion
Yarko: Excuse me captain...
Dabblez: Any further questions for Virta?
Yarko: isn't it very dangerous for those poor creatures at the brontoburger? I've often een fights there...
Yarko: seen*
Virta: I have not seen any casualties amazingly
Yarko: thank god to that...
Virta: smiles happily
Dabblez: Thank you Virta for you illuminating research in some of the most humble little bots of our planet
Virta: Thank you! I will report more as I find out more!
Bogosorter: Fascinating, man. A whole little world, and no one knew...
Dabblez: Everyone.. OFFICER VIRTA of OMNI POL!
Equimon: smiles and applauds

2. Bogosorter: The Use of Kyr'Ozck Weapons in Alien Society

Dabblez: Next up, the man who last year told us why chick dig leet. Bogosorter of RUR
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: Following.
Bogosorter: Hey, man.
Bogosorter: 's pet, The Shover, looks bright and polished.
Bogosorter: Right. Like, my speech is on The Use of Kyr--
Bogosorter: clears his throat
Bogosorter: Right.
Bogosorter: The Use of Kir'Okkz--
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: It's Kyr'Ozch, Dad.
Bogosorter: The Use of Kyr'Oz'k'k'k--
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: It's just a gutteral stop, Dad.
Bogosorter: clears his throat
Bogosorter: Right. Okay.
Bogosorter: The Use of Keer...
Bogosorter: Aah...
Bogosorter: Zzz...
Bogosorter: Ch.
Bogosorter: Weapons.
Bogosorter: In Alien Society.
Bogosorter: That's like the title.
Bogosorter: Of my paper.
Bogosorter: In my hands, man.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: Stop embarassing me, Dad.
Bogosorter: Right, man. Okay.
Bogosorter: Deep breaths, man. Okay.
Bogosorter: Have you ever, like, noticed that the aliens don't use weapons?
Yarko: coughs
Bogosorter: I mean, I mean, it's like they shoot you, right?
Wimsy: dozes off
Bogosorter: But then you find a, like, Kyr'Osh'k. Kyr'Roks. Kyr...
Bogosorter: 's pet The Shover makes grinding noises.
Bogosorter: Okay, man. Starting over.
Bogosorter: So like the aliens shoot you, right?
Bogosorter: And everything's groovy.
Bogosorter: But then you find an axe on the corpse, man.
Bogosorter: That doesn't make sense.
Bogosorter: I mean, I mean, they shoot you with their laser beam eyes or something, man.
Bogosorter: So why do they, like, carry rapiers and stuff they never use?
Bogosorter: My distinguished colleague Dr. Bazzit...
Bogosorter: Yeah, like, distinguished for being a fraud and a crook, man.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: Ooooh! I'm telling!
Bogosorter: Okay. Right. Deep breaths, man. Deep breaths.
Bogosorter: My distinguished colleague, Dr. Bazzit, believes the Ky... The alien weapons have a, like, ritual purpose, man.
Bogosorter: Like the Squibber blades from Turtle in the Marker system, man.
Bogosorter: But, like, if that were true, man, wouldn't each kind of alien carry the same weapon?
Bogosorter: I mean, like, would you see a Olamisi-Olamidan, the so-called Protector Squibber, on a merchant?
Wimsy: snores
Bogosorter: No, man. Heck, no, man.
Bogosorter: So, like, if the aliens all carry different weapons, they can't have a ritual purpose, man.
Bogosorter: Like, Q.E.D.
Bogosorter: So what are the weapons for, man?
Bogosorter: I, like, investigated this and would like share my discoveries with you today.
Bogosorter: Okay, first slide, Shover.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: What?
Bogosorter: Like, put on the first slide, man.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: You said you had the projector, Dad!
Bogosorter: I did? I mean, of course I didn't, man.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: This was my big chance at fame! And you ruined it! You ruin everything!
Bogosorter: Hey, don't lay your trip on me, man.
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: You're not my real father!
Bogosorter: Man....
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: Buff overflow error + BRONTO! BRONTO! BRONTO! + Press any key to contin--
Bogosorter's pet, The Shover: Terminate command received.
Bogosorter: grins nervously
Bogosorter: Um. Right, man.
Bogosorter: Okay. Groovy. Deep breaths.
Bogosorter: So, like, what the first slide would show if it were here is a Kyr... Alien Axe, Type 240.
Bogosorter: Obviously this is not intended to be used as a weapon.
Bogosorter: It's like a really big key, man. Like, maybe the key to something inside the mother ship.
Kallee: tries to get drunker quicker
Bogosorter: The heated end is obviously just a security measure, man.
Bogosorter: Okay, what the next slide would show is an Alien Submachine Gun.
Bogosorter: This isn't a gun at all, man.
Bogosorter: I'm not, like, one hundred percent sure what it is, but I believe the three prongs indicate some kind of, like, eating utensil.
Bogosorter: Yeah, man. And the laser guides aren't for aiming.
Bogosorter: I think the aliens use them to, like, illuminate the food, man.
Bogosorter: Okay, the next slide is, like, an Alien Rifle, Type 2.
Bogosorter: Clearly this is just a very large drink stirrer.
Bogosorter: Moving right along, man... What the next slide would show is an Alien Energy Rapier.
Bogosorter: Obviously this is just some kind of, like, industrial cutting tool. Not useful in combat at all, man.
Bogosorter: Right, man.
Bogosorter: In conclusion, this demonstrates three things:
Bogosorter: First, all aliens must die.
Bogosorter: Second, The Shover is, like, adopted.
Stanislaw: nods
Bogosorter: And finally...
Bogosorter: I win, man.
Virta: cheers
Stanislaw: shadow boxes a bit more
Bogosorter: Game over.
Bogosorter: So, like, any questions, man?
Yarko: errr... no...
Equimon: laughs
Wimsy: snores
Kallee: looks perplexed...keeps drinking
Dracostrife: drinks more
Virta: Very thorough.. um..
Bogosorter: wipes the sweat off his brow
Dabblez: Well thank you Bogosorter for you insights into the Kyrkc.... KYrork...
Bogosorter: Cool, man.
Dabblez: ..space aliens weapons
Dabblez: Just a reminder if you do have a topic you want to present, please send me a private tell adn I will fit you at the end

Its Kyr'Ozch, not Kyr'Ozck, interesting read though, very well written

3. Kithrak: Kry'Ozch bio-material in the food chain

Dabblez: Next up is Kithrak
Kithrak: Thank you Dabblez.
Dabblez: I suspect with more Kry_oz
Dabblez: more Kryck-O
Dabblez: more Space Alien research
Yarko: grins
Kithrak: Xeno-Tek calls em K-Orcs for short.
Kithrak: Good afternoon everyone.
Kithrak: How many people have heard of Bronto Burger?
Bogosorter: raises his hand
Kithrak: Lets have a show of hands.
Jadeshimmer: smiles and raises her hand
Equimon: raises hand
Kallee: raises hand
Dracostrife: raises hand.
Kithrak: How many have had a Bronto Burger in the past week?
Miremeld: mumbles to her self Bronto Bronto Burger..
Wimsy: wakes up
Bogosorter: holds up 2 fingers
Virta: raises both hands
Yarko: pfft, they sell pieces of baby bronto...
Kallee: raises hand
Virta: fells nauseous
Stanislaw: raise both hands
Wimsy: eyes Miremeld
Kithrak: Ok, everyone in this room that just raised their hands, please go visit Omni-Med or whoever your family doctor is.
Stanislaw: looks around for Sizleen
Kithrak: Because we have preliminary data indicating that the Bronto Burgers being served today is 'different' from the ones three months ago.
Kithrak: Or rather, something has been added to them.
Yarko: raises an eyebrow
Stanislaw: meat?
Dracostrife: raises eyebrow too.
Bogosorter: They change their secret sauce, man?
Virta: thinks of all the burgers he ate during his study
Kithrak: While performing an odd job for Uncle Bazzit, I've had a chance to meet Eco Red down by Red Dawn in Aegean.
Kithrak: As our previous speaker have pointed out, Bazzit and his....social network study our new alien friends orbiting overhead above us.
Kithrak: In Eco Red's case, he was studying the alien's affects on the Rubi-Kan wildlife.
Kithrak: Since the aliens have arrived, Rubi-Ka's ecosystems have come into contact with the Kyr'Ozch's biomaterials.
Dracostrife: Finally, someone said it right...
Kithrak: Unfortunately, the contamination runs deep and is everywhere. Aside from the physical contact with the aliens, Omni-Tek occasionally vaporizes a Kyr'Ozch fighter or transport, dispersing the alien biomaterial in the form of a fine mist over a large area.
Yarko: raises two eyebrows
Dabblez: looks shocked
Kithrak: The wildlife eventually ends up eating plant or animal-life tainted with this material and we of course, end up eating the wildlife through food vendors such as Bronto Burgers.
Yarko: whispers wait until Desert Winds get word of this...
Miremeld: raises her hand with a question
Wimsy: eyes Miremeld
Kithrak: Running some comparison scans for Eco Red, we've come across some startling side-effects from the alien contamination, animals at first glance appear healthier, stronger and better able to fight off infection.
Wimsy: raises her hand
Kithrak: But, don't take this as a go ahead to chow down on more Bronto Burgers because what Eco Red hasn't suspected or studied yet is its psychological effects on the animals.
Kithrak: Yes?
Wimsy: Are you sure that the BBs wasn't already poisoned?
Wimsy: I am convinced they were.
Wimsy: And what does burgers have to do with sports anyway??
Wimsy: rolls her eyes
Kithrak: They can't be, we have people who've raised their hands as having eaten a Bronto Burger this week and are still with us, living.
Kithrak: snickers
Wimsy: Barely...
Wimsy: frowns
Kithrak: I'm not talking about sports, I'm talking about our food being contaminated with alien biomaterial.
Dabblez: glares at Wimsy
Wimsy: I know all about that sport, don't pull my leg.
Waterbamsen: Stands next to the lady as if her guard keepsaking her
Kallee: wonders about those five burgers she ate before the symposium...
Wimsy: sighs... men...
Kithrak: Hum...we'll get back to you in a bit Wimsy.
Kithrak: The theory we're worried about is that not only are the animals healthier, but might be making them more aggressive as well.
Yahway: do the animals taste better?
Waterbamsen: Waves as he must attend a battle for his friends are in grave dangers running out of the room as he whispers sorry to the kind man speaking
Kithrak: And with Rubi-Ka's population being already on edge, we don't know what kind of mass effect this will have.
Kithrak: frowns lightly
Ukblizzard: Excuse me Mr. Houston, may I ask a question?
Kithrak: We haven't exactly made a taste test.
Kithrak: Sure.
Yahway: ah ok thanks
Dracostrife: raises hand.
Ukblizzard: I appreciate you said that the results from the last week show no death from eating the burger. Have any experiments gone into the consideration of something affecting our genetics though
Ukblizzard: Could we eat the meat, to then have it affect us long term
Ukblizzard: Could we then pass that on
Virta: gasps at the thought
Kithrak: I was going into that.
Ukblizzard: I am sorry, please excuse my interruption then.
Kithrak: Our first short term concern is that if the alien biomaterial contamination of the food chain increases aggression, this is bad given our planet's current political situation.
Kithrak: While the mutations in the wildlife are beneficial in the short term, we don't know the effects of the mutations in the long term, or if the next mutation will be beneficial for that matter.
Kallee: wonders how she'd look as a green Opifex
Bogosorter: thinks grey skin makes people look thinner
Stanislaw: raises his hand
Kithrak: Unfortunately, Xeno-Tek a research firm I've established are not equipped to deal with a planetwide study. So all we are able to come up with right now are theories and concerns about potential effects.
Kithrak: Yes, you have a question?
Stanislaw: Yes... I do
Stanislaw: Surely from what you say, there can only be one logical conclusion
Tesalar: leans forward intently.
Stanislaw: We can expect mean green aliens to explode out of our chest one day when we are eating
Tesalar: is shocked!
Virta: stares at his chest
Dracostrife: We're screwed....
Ukblizzard: That's ridiculous!
Stanislaw: its the only possible conclusion.
Bogosorter: Man... That is one bad trip, man.
Ukblizzard: No, that is scaremongering
Kithrak: That is highly unlikely. The good news is that despite the alien biomaterial's ability to regenerate itself or their resilience to being damaged by our weaponry, they tend to stay dead once they do mange to be killed.
Dabblez: We are reaching the end of Kithraks allocated time
Tesalar: mumbles 'Well, *that* is a relief...'
Dabblez: Any last words Kith?
Wimsy: sighs with relief
Kithrak: To wrap things up, the next time you enjoy a wholesome Bronto patty with genetically modified tomato, genetically re-engineered lettuce, simulated pickles and onions on a fortified wheat bun think about the alien biomaterial that you're eating as well.
Yarko: hmm
Kithrak: One last question.
Dabblez: go ahead
Kithrak: Imported foods should be safe, but with the alien blockade this will become a problem.
Yarko: hmm, I guess tomb water will be safe...
Kallee: wonders about a Zix Burger franchise
Kithrak: I like to thank Dabblez and RUR for the opportunity to present this to you.
Dabblez: Thank you very much Kithrak for this sobering revelations
Jadeshimmer: applaudes
Virta: claps
Wimsy: rolls her eyes
Yarko: most interesting administrator...
Bogosorter: looks worried

4. Stanislaw: Quantum Positronic Thingy revealed.

Dabblez: Last up, unless there are any final entrants is RUR's own Stanislaw
Virta: Go Stan!
Stanislaw: Greetings everyone
Stanislaw: Today I come to talk to you about Quantum Positronic Thingy
Stanislaw: QPT..
Stanislaw: This is the revolutionary positronic brain that differentiates RUR robots from regular, analog robots
Kithrak: Munches on an Oswaldssons Everlasting Muffin thoughtfully.
Stanislaw: Why does QPT matter?
Stanislaw: That is indeed the question
Stanislaw: I could say that what QPT does is endow the robot with a more intuitive type of intelligence
Wimsy: raises her hand
Stanislaw: But I think what would be more interesting is a practical demonstrations
Stanislaw: Questions at the end little lady
Wimsy: I am not little!
Stanislaw: And for the demonstration.. I need a volunteer for the audience
Stanislaw: Anyone?
Virta: looks busy adjusting his tie
Stanislaw: Ms Jadeshimmer perhaps?
Destractor: sinks back into the seat
Jadeshimmer: Me? Oh... yes of course.
Yarko: studies the ceiling intensely
Stanislaw: Please give a hand to Ms Jadeshimmer of Omni Pol
Virta: looks worriedly at Stanislaw
Enforcon: needs a new outfit
Yarko: whispers brave girl
Jadeshimmer: motions to Virta not to worry
Stanislaw: The name of the game is free association
Stanislaw: Are you familiar with free association Ms Jadeshimmer?
Jadeshimmer: Omni-Reform evaluations take place monthly, yes
Bogosorter: Yeah, like, it didn't cost me anything to join R.U.R., man.
Stanislaw: I say something.. you reply with the first thing that comes to mind
Stanislaw: So for instance
Stanislaw: Black
Virta: White
Virta: uh,I’m sorry
Yarko: grins
Stanislaw: Are you Ms Jadeshimmer?
Virta: looks embarrassed
Stanislaw: I thought not
Bogosorter: Well, was that the right answer, man?
Issildari: chuckles quietly to himself
Stanislaw: Let's start again
Jadeshimmer: looks at the ground briefly and smiles
Stanislaw: Up
Jadeshimmer: Down
Stanislaw: Dog
Jadeshimmer: Robot *looks at Virta*
Enforcon: tries to not step on the leet running by his feet
Stanislaw: Gold
Bogosorter: VTE
Jadeshimmer: Precious metal
Stanislaw: Man
Martimon: hello gang :)
Jadeshimmer: Distance *lips form a thin line*
Mondobizarro: shh
Stanislaw: Reet
Jadeshimmer: Adventurer *the smile returns*
Stanislaw: Sunrise
Jadeshimmer: Sunset
Stanislaw: Excellent
Stanislaw: Thank you very much officer
Mummu: yawns
Stanislaw: You may take your seat
Miremeld: wonder what does this have to do with the QPT
Melusine: thanks Missbeehave kindly for the drink.
Martimon: winders whats QPT
Stanislaw: Those were statistically average human responses
Stanislaw: Now let's try this test on a regular robot
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Wait command received.
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Waiting.
Mondobizarro: silently thanks Misbeehave
Stanislaw: Robot: when I say a word, you say the first thing that come to you
Stanislaw: Understood?
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Affirmative
Stanislaw: Black
Virta: cheers for the A Regular Robot
Miremeld: smiles
Stanislaw: I said Black
Stanislaw: Do you understand your instructions robot
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Affirmative
Melusine: smiles at the courtesy displayed in this room and takes a sip on her drink, listening to the responses with interest.
Enforcon: thinks they maybe need a newer version...
Stanislaw: So reply with the first word that comes to you
Ghiggles: smiles
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Affirmative
Stanislaw: Black
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Black
Stanislaw: Up
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Up
Stanislaw: No, no no...
Stanislaw: You are just repeating what I said
Bogosorter: can't wait to try this on The Shover
Stanislaw: I want the first random thought that occurs to you
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Affirmative
Stanislaw: Black
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: 3.14159265
Jadeshimmer: grins
Issildari: laughs
Mummu: hu, bots have random sorts?
Martimon: giggles
Stanislaw: I think that will suffice
Miremeld: wonders if Stanislaw plugged in the speaker to the bot
Enforcon: wonders what white will be..
Mondobizarro: whispers I thought this was a robot, not a Trox. You know them and their obsession with pi
Stanislaw: The regular robot is not equipped to deal with free association
Stanislaw: robot.. dismissed
Stanislaw's pet, A Regular Robot: Terminate command received.
Enforcon: wants to attack Mondobizarro
Stanislaw: So we come to QPT
Stanislaw: This is a RUR robot
Stanislaw: Endowed with QPT
Enforcon: wonders if this thing will do any better, and stares at the wall
Stanislaw: Robot.. do you understand the term free association?
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: Affrimative
Stanislaw: Good, then lets play a game
Stanislaw: Black
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: White
Stanislaw: Up
Equimon: nods to Korejar
Korejar: nods back
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: Down
Stanislaw: Dog
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: Pet
Yarko: impressive...
Enforcon: wonders if QPT works on troxes
Mondobizarro: looks impressed
Stanislaw: Man
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: kill...kill...KILL ALL HUMANS!
Ghiggles: blinks
Mondobizarro: ducks
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: .KILL ALL HUMANS!

< at this point the robot runs amok amidst the audience>

Yarko: err...
Issildari: shifts nervously
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: Hunt attack received.
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: Hunting.
Virta: right...
Stanislaw: oh dear
Enforcon: Give it a shot, mad bot..
Dracostrife: points gun at robot.
Martimon: prepares his fists
Jadeshimmer: cringes and grips her pistols
Virta: Need help there Stan?
Slotine: ahh
Melusine: ducks and hides behind the couch.
Jadeshimmer: jumps from the sofa
Kallee: blinks
Yarko: call OP!

< the robot is put down by Omni-Pol >

Stanislaw: Well..
Equimon: Hmmm...
Bogosorter: Man... I know they're, like, all cute when they're young, but if you don't discipline them...
Yarko: ah... that was fast
Ghiggles: hmm
Dabblez: Thank you Omni Pol
Equimon: That was not..good, Mr. Stanislaw.
Virta: maybe some little adjustment
Dabblez: glares at Stani
Enforcon: dont let the 200 Omni-Admin Guardian get QPT..
Stanislaw: Erm..
Stanislaw: The point is
Equimon: I expect a good explanation on this on my desk by tomorrow..
Yarko: oh dear...
Martimon: oh god
Enforcon: wops..
Stanislaw: IT IS A LOT MORE HUMANLIKE than a regular robot, no?
Enforcon: more like a trox..
Mondobizarro: Uh oh
Virta: grins
Equimon: I wouldn't exactly call it that.
Stanislaw: Well that sort of ends my demonstration..
Wimsy: Are you done Stanislaw? Because... I think you owe me an apology.
Issildari: I am sure Omni security regulation strictly forbid endangering the lives of an audience
Stanislaw: But I am sure you know all understand QPT better
Kallee: wonders where Slotine is
Stanislaw: Any questions?
Wimsy: hiccups
Yarko: it was... an eye opener...
Enforcon: Does it work on troxes?
Stanislaw: Free association?
Wimsy: Who is taller, me or you?
Stanislaw: I suppose it does... Black.. pie.. Up ..pie
Miremeld: So, you are saying.. that because the robot wants to kill humans it is more like us because of the QPT?
Melusine: chuckles
Dracostrife: laughs.
Enforcon: laughs
Stanislaw: Isn;t that what people want to do all the time?
Enforcon: well..
Bogosorter: Yeah, but, like, we don't say so, man.
Mondobizarro: He's got a point
Wimsy: Who is taller, me or you?
Enforcon: me
Wimsy: frowns
Dracostrife: You never been to Boot Camp Bogo.
Stanislaw: Well thank you for your attention
Wimsy: Look, I am taller than this.. this...
Wimsy: frowns
Stanislaw: So you are, little lady, so you are
Wimsy: Pig!
Bogosorter: Yeah, man. I don't think I could dig a military trip, man.
Issildari: great job! I especially loved the 'random' answer :P
Dabblez: Any last minute entries?
Dabblez: In which case, thank you to everyone today. I think this was a real yey opener
Dabblez: Thank you Virta, Bogosorter Kithrak and Stani
Virta: Fascinating stuff about the QPT
Jadeshimmer: nods furiously in agreement, not forgetting to roll her eyes
Dabblez: Anyway, thanks everyone for coming
Dabblez: Have a good evening

Sweet thanks for posting these. I was worried I was going to have to hunt an beg to get information about the symposium for my papper now I dont have to do that. My Orginization was having our first party. upstares from the symposium.

I was a bit apprehensive attending this symposium, not quite certain how my experiences as adventurer would mingle with the high-level contributions of some well renown robotic scientists. After all, beside some universal values like a common interest in the LEET population (for obvious reasons), good drinks (thank you, Ms Missbeehave!) and... hmm, well, enjoying after-show parties (isn't that human after all ?), one could argue that I would feel as comfortable as Gelid in front of a team of grinning adventurers in need of their "holy" blade.

I was very pleased with the outcome however, and even though I admit that the presence of a friend at my side and his explanations were a relief more than once (thank you, Issildari!), I encourage every inquiring mind to seek out the knowledge that the RUR so graciously dispenses to the citizens of Rubi-Ka during their meetings.

*curseys*

/ooc

As one of the many "anonymous" people in the crowd yesterday, I would like to thank the R.U.R. for organising and holding this kind of events. It was alot of fun, and if this year I was a late-comer, I will make sure to reserve one of the front seats next time :).

Shame I missed it, sounds like there was alot of good speakers at it. Guess I'll have to harress Yarko for further details and see what he's bought this time *shudders at the thought of a RUR bot hoovering up half of Borealis*.

As I mentioned subsequent to the Symposium to Captain Hendrix, some findings need substantial research to support why they are so. It is important to make availlable for those who want to see it conclusive research on projects.

It would be for the better of all of Rubi Ka if scientists could gather and discuss their findings more often. I support and encourage more meetings like this to be held. Thank you RUR for hosting the event and to each of the speakers for sharing their thoughts and research.

Bogosorter and The Shover in...
QPT Quest!
by Elisa "Autumnleaves" Fadri

"Hey, Shover," I said as we were leaving the Science Symposium.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Did you dig all that free association stuff?"

"Oh, sure, Dad," said The Shover. "Me and Free go way back. We're on a first-name basis, Dad."

"Right, man," I said. "So, like tell me the first thing that comes to your mind, man," I said. "Ready?"

"Or not," said the Shover.

"Black."

"Leather, Dad. You know how I like those Shades in their Tier ar--"

"Right, man."

"Ross. But the left-wing psychos are much more fun, Dad. Remember when you and I were last in Borealis? And the guards were in their Winner's Circle and you said--"

"No, man. I meant, like--nevermind. Next word: Up."

"Yours. Ha ha, get it, Dad? No, wait, how about Chuck? That's better, Dad. I'm changing my answer to Chuck."

"Dog."

"No, Chuck is my final answer, Dad."

"Final what, man?"

"Vinyl. Yeah, old tunes, man. Dig it."

"No, man, I meant--nevermind. Next word: Reet."

"Chicks. You know the hottest chicks are always at Reets, Dad. Remember that one time... with the Adventuress... and the custom yalm... then you dropped the pie... with the clown face... and the 'Trox said up your nose with a rubber... after you broke the lightbulb... when the bed caught on fire... because no one was using the pool... but after you passed out... a whole can of red paint... and sold the pictures to..."

I tuned him out, man. There was no point in asking anymore questions. It was obvious, man. The Shover had a bad QPT. I had to get a new one.

There was just one problem: Wimpy or Whimsy or whatever her name was. Last time I asked for a QPT she said, like, "You just exceeded your budgetary allowance, you sexist pig." I mean, that might not be a, like, exact quote, but there was no point in getting slapped again, man. I couldn't just walk into R.U.R. labs and get a new QPT. This required a plan, man.

"We're going to Borealis," I said.

"...and then you said if that's my leet, what's this in my--What, Dad?"

"We're going the Borealis, man. I need to get something from the Fixer Shop, man." It was only one Whompa from Reets anyway. But I forgot what happened to The Shover the last time I was in Borealis.

As soon as we got out of the Whompa, I saw it, man. The tower. Lately there were always a tower there. A very friendly tower. I tried to, like, distract The Shover, but I was too late, man.

"Oh, wow, Dad. I think that tower likes me."

"Man," I said. "Not again, man."

"I'm going to go ask for her number, Dad." The Shover ran up to the tower and tried all his usual moves. The tower just stood there. It was painful to watch, man. Once The Shover ran out of moves, it would be all over. "Chick out of bounds error ~~~ FLOWER POWER FOREVER ~~~ Press any key to con--"

Yeah, man. Good thing The Shover fits in my trunk, man.

I only knew one man in Borealis who could get me into the Secret Fixer Shop. This was stupid, man. But I needed a QPT, and I had, like, nowhere else to turn. I knocked on the door three times.

The door opened a tiny crack. "Who whispers thrice at freedom's door in the darkest night?" asked a faint voice.

"Hey, man," I said. "It's me. Bogosorter."

The door slammed shut. "Man..." I knocked again. Three times, man.

The door opened a tiny crack. "Who whispers thrice at freedom's door in the darkest night?"

"The suns are out, man," I said.

Three more knocks, man.

The door opened a tiny crack. "Who whispers thrice at freedom's door in the darkest night?"

"One who seeks the light, man."

"Yea, for forty days the knowless stranger didst fly through the fathomless sea," answered the voice.

"Hooray, hooray," I said, "for the reets of the fields who, like, turn their backs on the suns, man."

"The master of the house drives his yalm backwards, crossing three left turns."

"Indeed, man, it is a cold night for camping." This could go on all day, man. Before the voice could ask another question I said, "Yeah, and the chains of the moon sound the clapperless bell, man. And the last of the lantern-bearers drowned on the gilded streets. And the, like, stranded rhinoman digs a grave for the Tree-Stalkers of Thrum. So, like, open the door, already, I'm in a hurry, man."

The door opened all the way. I was in, man. In like... In like... In like that guy in those holovids, man.

I couldn't see the man's face beneath the hood, but his shoulders slumped in a disappointed way. "No one ever gets to the part about hanging the thrice-slashed robes of the thirteen traitors above the halls of the sharpened sphere."

Down to business, man. "I'm looking for a QPT, man."

"One of these days," said the stranger, "I'm just not going to open my door until the unwound nightingale is dutifully silenced by the hourglass of fate."

"Man..."

"Does no one care anymore that a thousand voices shall herald the return of the honorless prophet?"

You can't let him get started, man. "Like, can you get me a QPT from the Fixer Shop or not, man?"

"Oh, alright. But next time you're going to have to get as far as the beached whale who cries 'Nerf!' in the sunless shrine. That's my favorite part."

QPT in hand, I made my way back to R.U.R. labs.

It took, like, all night, man. But I finally got the new QPT installed in The Shover. I flipped one switch. The moment of truth, man. "Hey, man," I said.

"Are you refering to me? I am a robot, sir, not a man," said The Shover. "No, indeed, I am quite certain that I should not be referred to as--"

"Look, man," I said, "do you understand Free Association? Like, I say a word, and you, like, answer, man?"

"Of course," said The Shover. "The Free Association Test was originally developed by Grace Helen Kent on Old Earth in the year 1910. The test, though unreliable, attempts to measure such things as creativity, psychotic tendencies--"

"Okay, fine, man, fine. Groovy. Now, I'm going to say a word, and you're going to, like, say the first thing that comes to mind."

"As a robot, sir, I have no mind with which to--"

"Man," I said. "Just, like, play along, man. First word: black."

"White, I believe, is the most common response at 37.43% among unmodified Solitus. Though for the sake of accuracy, I must insist that--"

"Up."

"Down is the most common response, with 14.38% of--"

"Dog."

"Cat, I believe, is the response you're looking for, ranking at--"

"Fine, man. Fine." One final test. "So, how about getting some leets and meeting me at Reets, man?"

The Shover paused a moment before answering. "I must advise you that bringing vermin to a Rubi-Ka nightclub is a violation of Statute 7/49A/65 Section C of the Omni-Tek Dangerous Species Act."

"Endangered, man? Leets aren't endangered."

"If you were listening carefully," said The Shover, "you would realize that the Statute actually refers to species which are dangerous, not ones which Omni-Eco has determined meet the qualifications for--"

"Man... Are you always going to be this boring?"

"I've always believed that boring is as boring does. Ahahaha. That was a little joke, you see. I was making a play on words, you see, while simultaneously attempting to be, as you say, less boring. It's based a quote that comes from Old Earth in the era of--"

"Okay, that does it, man."

"Invalid screwdriver input * TROUSERS! TROUSERS! * Press any key to conti--"

So after a, like, morning and afternoon nap, I was back in the lab. Another long night, man. But it was finished. The old QPT was back in place.

"You've been working on me again, haven't you, Dad? You know I don't like it when you work on me, Dad."

"Yeah, man," I said. "Like, skip the murderous rampage, man, and just say the first word that, like, comes into your head."

"Sure, Dad."

"Okay, man. First word: black."

"Mail. You know, like how you let me stay out late because I promised not tell about that time you--"

"Up."

"Keep. Can't afford it without me, can you, Dad? You know I'm the breadwinner in this family. Why, without me, you'd still be living with your parents and--"

"Dog."

"Mechdog. Say, Dad? How come you don't have a mechdog like all the cool Engineers?"

"Man."

"Man," I said.

"Shover," I said, "I said, 'Man.'"

"I thought you were just saying that, Dad."

"I was just saying that, man," I said. "Okay, man. Let's try this again. Next word: man."

"Blood," said The Shover.

"Blood, man?"

"That's my answer, Dad, and I'm sticking to it. Man: Blood. Blood: Man. That sums it up, really. Did I pass the test, Dad?"

I could live with, like, a few glitches, man. "You did just fine, man. Let's go back to Reets, man."

"Sure, Dad. Just let me pick up some leets."

And, at least until the robot revolution, they lived unhappily ever after. The end.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Savoy

Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: kill...kill...KILL ALL HUMANS!
Ghiggles: blinks
Mondobizarro: ducks
Stanislaw's pet, A RUR Robot: .KILL ALL HUMANS!

< at this point the robot runs amok amidst the audience>

---

What more evidence do we need? Robots are a threat. Robots must be banned.

SMASH THE BOT!


This message was brought to you by the Neo-Luddite Movement

A thankyou again to Dabblez and members of RUR for organizing the event. Too bad there weren't any Clanners in attendance for this year's symposium. Maybe Omni-Tek and the Neutral community can help jumpstart their scientific community to research into things that benefit Rubi-Ka as a whole.