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A Bride for Ergo
"I'm sure you Engineers wil find a way. And now for something completely different. We'll conclude this meeting with a safety video about the Yuttos energy drink plant."
Eeod leaned back and ran through his notes again.
This had to be the craziest assignment ever.
How far would the Yuttos go with this?
What if we just said no?
Better even; what if we told them that it couldn't be build?
And what was that tool again we had to use? Oh yeah. "You have to build it with lurv."
Where do i find a lurv?
And what is a lurv for Buffy's sake?
The lights dimmed and the video started.
While the movie was running Eeod closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.
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Oh dear.... I think i must get in on this!!!
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At an RUR staff meeting.
“Okay, gather round. People” calls out Dabblez. “Here is how it is. In their inscrutable wisdom, our yuttos owners ‘One Who Puts Too Much Salt In Soup’ and ‘One Who Knows Much Trivia’ have handed us a project. This is our top priority so I’m afraid all research the on life-saving, nano-cybernetic organ replacement has to be put on hold.”
“Not again!” comes the disgruntled protest from the crowd.
“So what is this project?” asks Eeod.
“Our task is to build a bride for Ergo.” replies Dabblez.
“Why?”
“What part of ‘inscrutable wisdom’ did you not get?” snaps back Dabblez. “Why does a yuttos do anything? They obviously work very closely with Ergo, maybe they think he is lonely or maybe they think his cave needs a feminine touch. In the end it doesn’t matter as long a they call the shots here.”
“I don’t see the problem.” Says Val for sales. “Get a Milly bot, put her in a wedding dress and presto, another satisfied customer!”
Various RUR employees break into laughter at Val's rash use of the words ‘satisfied’ and ‘customer’ in the same sentence.
“Okay, knock it off people. It’s not that simple.” explains Dabblez. “According to our instructions, Ergo must find his mechanical mate… attractive. ”
“We’re so screwed.” remarks Stanislaw.
Minage shakes his head. “You know Boss, even by our standards, this is pretty weird.”
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There. Finished.
An Irma for Ergo. Made with RUR technology and papier maché.
I wonder how the Yuttos wil react.
And Ergo ofcourse.
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So when should I expect my free case of RUR Cola? We've got fauna and flora to poison.
*waits impatiently*
I'm kind of torn on the paper mache thing (no pun intended). There are hundreds of ruins all over Rubi-Ka. You could have used some scrap roofing material to at least make her water resistant.
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What?
Water resistant?
The bride of Ergo Q and A didn't say anyting about water resistant!
Now, there's no problem here. It just needs a coating.
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Are you making an Irma for all iterations of Ergo? If so, the one in Adonis will need to be Meta waterproof, not water resistant.
Sorry to be a kill joy.
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Damn, meta-water resistant paint is so much more expensive. I knew we should have dammed Adonis.
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Ergo in Penumbra will be jealous, now...
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wont the paper mache component of this poorly crafted bride catch on fire in the extreme heat of inferno?, i dont recall seeing anything mentioning a fire retardant system being bult into it. How sad would poor ergo be watching his Bride to be suddenly combust. also, having a waterproof coating over her would make her impossible to extinguish once she did go up
Back to the drawing board perhaps?
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Asbestos ehi? Didn't the miner's accomodation back in the early colonial days of Rubi-Ka contain asbestos? I bet they could be bought up for next to nothing.
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The door of the hangar had been locked. Carfully Eeod had opened the door without making too much noise.
There she was. Floating in the middle of the spacious room. Big, shiney, with a dab of lippstick. Appearantly in resting mode.
"Hello Irma, ready to meet your new husband?"
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Eeod looked at the screen. He read the newsfeed and let it sink in.
"Irma, It's time to go."
He stepped out and started walking, in his left hand something that looked like a big brown floating rollerrat on a string.
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"Here we go Irma, please keep quiet for a few.."
Eeod took a deep breath, and then stepped into the valley where Ergo was hovering, not aware what was about to happen.
"Hello Mr Ergoo!! Can I have a minute of your time?"
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Then there was nothing.
No universe...
No matter...
No time...
Only a single thought...
"Hey, no upside down polyhedrons?"
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When the Omni-Pol officer came to RUR HQ headquarters looking for Eeod, Dabblez simply told him he was not there.
"Do you know where he is ma'am?" asks the policeman.
"Yes." Dabblez pauses a moment and corrects herself. "That is, I think so but you are not going to like my answer."
"Let me worry about that. So where is he?"
"I think he's on Rimor."
"Rimor? Is that near Avalon?"
"No, Rimor is thought to be an parallel universe in which everything is exactly like our universe own, only evil. So for instance on Rimor an alternate version of both you and I could be having this exact same conversation except we'd both be evil, or in your case eviler."
"Lady, you are not making any sense." says the policeman impatiently.
"I can understand your confusion, it is quite a complex concept. I can show you my mathematical proof of the existence of Rimor though if you think that might help? It uses a rather elegant set of equations which explain this so much better."
"I just need to know how to get to Eeod."
"That could be complicated. We think Ergo sent him there. Last time I saw Eeod he was on his way to see Ergo. You see our Yuttos bosses have instructed RUR to build a bride for Ergo, which we call Irma. Eeod had some Irma related business to talk to Ergo about. That would have been about a week ago. Since then no one seems to have seen him.
"So yesterday, as I had to see him anyway, I asked Ergo if he had seen Eeod. His response was typically vague, filled with obscure metaphors and decidedly overlong, but in essence I think what he meant to say is that he sent Eeod to Rimor. Which is really quite interesting if you think about it. Not only would this prove the existence of Rimor as more than a theory or mathematical abstraction, it also suggests that in the same way Ergo is linked to the various instances of himself spread across Rubi-Ka and the Shadowlands he may also be linked to Ergos across dimensions. There indeed could be an infinite number of Ergos all connected across the multi-verse. Don't you find that fascinating?"
The policeman gives Dabblez his card. "That's swell. Look lady, here's my number. If you see Eeod tell him to give me a call. And have a nice day."
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Dabblez strolls into RUR's mailroom where Mary is busy shredding a stack of unopened letters.
"Hi Mary."
"Hello Dabblez." she replies.
"So look like Eeod might have been transported to Rimor by Ergo. I did not even know it was possible." says Dabblez.
"I guess Egro has more powers than we ever knew.I wonder if he will find his way back."
"Me too. But suspect Rimor must be a wild, dangerous plaace and Eeod is... well Eeod."
Mary adds, "I think it was the yutto that live with Ergo that put him up to it."
"That is entirely possible. We may in fact be the victims of a yuttos conspiracy."
"Can't think of any other reason." says Mary, as she keeps shredding.
"We should build a yuttos-bot to infiltrate the yuttos in Erog's cave and learn their sinister plans. I'll just get a leetbot and make it fatter and put a hood over its head."
"And songs! It must sing yuttos songs!"
"Right you are, Mary. I'll get to work immediately."
