Every morning I sit atop the tents in Tir at Fair Trade. Every morning I watch as the hustle and the bustle of the day begins. Watching as people wake up to their daily commerce, listening as people gossip about what happened the night before.

Why do I do it? I don't know. I find it amazing. It's funny really. Have you ever just stood back and just watched other people? Listen to what they say, watch what they do, see how they act? You can really learn about who a person is just by saying nothing, and asking nothing, but just watching? You really get to know who they are.

But....... Who am I?

Hmph!! Stupid question.....

Or at least that's what I thought when I first asked myself that.

A simple question that at one time I could give a simple answer. But after life long challenges it doesn't seem so simple anymore.

My childhood was like anyone else. Normal. Or so I thought...... When your a kid, and you grow up in your family, everything seems normal. I worked my arse off for my father, always trying to gain the respect that always seemed *JUST* out of reach. Since before I was even double digits I was up at the crack of dawn and off to the mines to help out in anyway I could. Side by side with my father, doing all that my little hands could do to make him happy..... which he never was....... was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? As I got older I realized that it wasn't me, and as I got older I realized that my father really wasn't the man I always thought him to be, or maybe hoped him to be.

My Mother was a wonderful woman. Since I was young I remember her always going out of her way to make sure I was safe and comfortable. Even when my father demanded too much from me at times she would protect me and say he was asking to much of my little hands, that I wasn't an adult. She always comforted me when I was sad, fixed me when I was hurt, fed me when I was hungry. We weren't rich so we didn't have much. But that didn't matter to me. I had Mom, and that's all I needed.

When I turned 18 there was an accident. My father had been drinking that night and was razzing me about not working hard enough, how I will never be as good as him, how I will never amount to anything. My Mother stepped in and told him to stop. He got in her face in a threatening way, as if he was going to hurt her. And I'd had enough!! I stood up and pushed him away, I told him, "Your an old man now, and I'm not! If your going to threaten anyone, threaten me!!" He just turned and snorted, grabbing his bottle of whisky and heading out the door. That's when I realized, he's not my father, he never was. And I was never a son to him. If anything I was just an employee, an extra set of hands to work in the mines from the day I was born.

That morning we received a transmission from a co-worker of my fathers. Turns out the stupid bastard decided to head to the mines to do some extra work dead drunk. And in his stooper he was setting some explosives when they went off and he was killed. Serves him right I guess. My Mother was devastated. Even after all the years of being treated like crap she still deeply grieved his parting. I on the other hand wasn't so sympathetic. In a way I was glad he was gone. We didn't have to live under his tyrannical rule any longer. We were free, and sooner or later my Mother would see that as well.

When I was about 24 I was still working in the mines. Since we were still poor my Mother and I still lived together. She would weave and did some leather working, and I worked hard as usual. Day in and day out in the mines, earning our way, with hopes that one day we will get our break. About the same time my Mother started becoming ill. She began to cough a lot. One day after I came home from the mines, I found her lying on the floor, she was pale as a ghost, and a rag in her right hand. She was coughing up blood. I picked her up and put her gently in her cot. She felt cold, but she was still alive. I grabbed her blankets and my own to cover her. I sat by her and tended to her to see if she would wake. Eventually to my relief she did, but unfortunately my relief was short lived. She weakly took my hand in hers. She told me she was dying. She told me she had felt her death coming for some time now. I told her she was crazy, that she was just sick and she needed some rest. But as I looked into her eyes, I knew that I was only lying to myself. I freaked out, I told her she couldn't die. She was the only thing in this world that I had. She wasn't allowed to die!! She can't die!! Not now!! In a low soft voice she told me to calm down. Just hearing her say that calmed me greatly, even though I knew the inevitable. She took my hand again and made me promise her only one thing. That I would fall in love, marry, and have children. With tears in my eyes I agreed. As she smiled she drifted into a sleep in which she would never wake. She was gone.................. and I cried.

I gave my self a few weeks to get everything in order. I had her put to rest on the hillside just beyond our house where she often loved to go to watch the sunsets. It was also where we buried my father...... or what was left of him.

Two years later I met the woman of my dreams. Her name was Shauri. I met her when I got transferred from one mining job to another. I was moving up in the world and became a Foreman at the new mine. She was the daughter of the man who owned the mine. I ran into her when we had a dinner for all the associates who worked for the mine. She was beautiful. Long red hair that shimmered off her fair skin. But what caught me at first was her eyes. Wonderful emerald green eyes. When she looked at you it was as if she was burning a hole straight into your soul. It was love at first site.

A year after that we were wed. Because of our busy schedules we were wed at the mine where I worked. That might seem odd but it was actually quite nice. We all took a half day off and had the wedding. It was large and everyone was there. But the most important person that was there was her, my love, my wife, my Shauri. We were still too poor to go on a big honeymoon I just took the week off and we headed to the river in the mountains. It was the best week of my life.

A few months after that I came home from the mine from another hard days work. And even though I could have a horrible day, coming home to Shauri was always wonderful, comforting, and happy. But today was a special day. I knew when I walked in the door that there was something different about her. She was glowing. I asked her what was up....... she said nothing, she just stood there and smiled. I really wanted to know what was on her mind, so again I asked her what she was smiling about. She ran towards me and jumped on me. While holding herself tightly against me she whispered into my ear, "your going to make a great father". I was thrilled with this news!!! I hugged her tightly and kissed her passionately, and we spent the rest of the night by the fireplace talking about the future for us, the future for our family.

Another 8 1/2 months passed. It was time!! I got the transmission from work. My Shauris' water broke and the local doc was on her way to deliver the baby. I moved as fast as I could to tie everything up so I could get home quickly to be there for my first childs birth. It took me longer then I cared for but I finally got everything done and ran out the door. I was so happy, I'm going to be a father........ I'm going to have a family.......... I'm going to keep my promise to my mother........

I ran all the way home, out of breath I ran into the door. I think I was a little late because the house was quiet. I saw the doc's vehicle in the road so I knew he was here. I set my gear on the porch and and rested for a quick minute to compose myself and catch my breath. As soon as I gathered myself I went into the house. Again I noticed how quiet it was. I figured the baby was born and he was feeding. When I walked in the living room her mother was sitting on the couch. I could only see the back of her head. So I went up to her and as I rounded the couch to the front I was about to ask her, "How does it feel to be a Grandma". But I froze when I got around the corner. She was crying......... "What" I said looking at her... "What is it?" She slowly looked up at me with tears in her eyes. At this point I was scared. I ran down the hall to my wifes room to see if everything was ok...... The doc came out of the room.... He looked at me with as straight of face as possible and said, "I'm sorry" At this point I assumed the worse. The baby was gone..... my wife needed me....... she needed my comfort...... I asked the doc if it was ok to see if my wife is ok... The doc put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me and said, "Huard, I'm very sorry... I did all that I could.... there was a complication... your wife died too.... I'm so sorry"

I was devastated. If fell to my knees. I was in pain. I couldn't breath. I couldn't think. The tears started streaming down my face. I flipped out..... I got up screaming, smashing anything and everything I could. Shauri's mom came to me to comfort me. I pushed her away and said leave me alone!!! I ran out of the house and into the hills, I ran as fast as I could. The only thing going through my mind is, "I'm nothing, I failed, I'm truly......... alone" After a few hours I finally made my way back to my home. The doc had left but Shauri's mother was still there. She was in the house cleaning up the devastation that I caused before I left. I walked in and the first thing I did was walk to her and give her a hug...... She said to me, "I know you feel alone. But remember... Shauri loved you.... Your baby loved you.... And we love you, you are still our son, no matter what"

A day later I had her buried on the same hill that my Mother and Father were buried. With enough room next to her for the day that I would join her.

Shortly after that I couldn't stay here any longer. Too many painful memories. Too many painful dreams that can never be realized.

While reading the daily news paper I saw an ad in the paper. "JOIN THE OMNI-TEK FAMILY" The ad went on about working for Omni-tek and going to a planet called Rubi-ka. I called the number in the paper and asked about it. The gentleman that I spoke to said they would love to have me, but I couldn't keep my rank as foreman with them. And that I would have to start over. At this point I thought, "what the hell". I didn't want to stay here any longer and thought it would be a great opportunity to finally start over.

So first chance I got I gave my notice to the mine. Shauri's parents were very sad to see me go, but they understood. I made arrangements with them that if anything happened to me they would be notified and they would take care of my affairs. Then I was off, on the first shuttle flight I could to Rubi-Ka.

When I got to Rubi-Ka it was a breath of fresh air. Rubi-ka was already pretty well advanced by the time I got there and when the shuttle landed the people seemed very nice. Saying, "Welcome to the Omni-tek Family" I worked for years in the mines. At first everything seemed to be going well. But that soon changed. In a short time the workers in the mines went from being treated as valued employees to nameless slaves. If we didn't do exactly what they said, or achieved our goals or quota we were severely punished. Whether it be beatings, starvation, or locked up.

One day I heard there was a revolt. I heard there was a group of rebels that had separated themselves from the Omni-tek family. After reviewing my own disgust about how things were done here. I decided that I would join up with this clan in their fight against the repression of Rubi-ka. So one day, while on a hike to get some field samples for future digs, I just kept walking. I walked for a long long time. Days even. But I didn't mind, it was better then where I was at. I figure sooner or later I'll find someone.

One day while walking I finally saw a city in the distance. And for some reason which I still can't tell you today. It was one of the most beautiful sights I have seen in a long time. It was a modest but proud looking town. Still in the process of being built, but well on it's way. This town was called Tir.

Tir is where I had been ever since. Working, fighting, believing that one day I can call this my home. My permanent home.

So now after all these years. With all these trials and tribulations. I find myself sitting on this tent, watching the time go by in the midst of war. And even then, with everything I've been through, it's that one question that still baffles me........ "Who am I?"

And to this day, the only answer I have is........... I don't know. Maybe I never will..... but..... I'll never stop looking..... I'll never stop believing..... I'll never stop living.......

Hail Clanners!! Hail Rubi-Ka!! and most of all Hail Opposing Force!!!