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Thread: Strategy Guide humor

  1. #1

    Strategy Guide humor

    My friend go me hooked on AO when he quit so when I started playing he gave me his strategy guide... I used it a little bit i learned how to master scripts and macros thanks to it and it had some decent maps... no for about a year atleast its been sitting in my box labeled crap until one day I decided to look at it for some strange reason... and reading it turned out to be nearly one of the funniest things I have been through with AO... the following quotes are exact quotes from this "strategy guide"


    Profession quotes:

    Adventurer: Bottom Line - A profession for those who like morphs and for newbies.


    Enforcer: Weapons- Your the king of Melee weapons: get the best ones you can. For backup carry a shotgun or an SMG.


    Engineer: Bottomline A good, well rounded, nano-based profession

    Trader: Intro- Traders really know how to stretch a buck. parties love them for thei ability to finagle the very best weapons and equiptment for rock-bottom prices.

    Weaknesses- No real offensive capabilities.

    Weapon- Shotgun is a good choice for a trader. Weapons are strictly for emergencies only for this profession


    "The Arena"

    Arenas are excellent places to go to practice pvp combat. You and a friend can check into the arena and pound on each other to your heart's content, healing up ever so often and starting again. Of course. arenas are also good places to settle quarrels and questions of precendence.

    But they are also good places to get yourself kille. If you and a friend go to the arena for practice, and some tougher guys kill you both... hey, rough day. if another player invites you into the arena for practice and then kills you...shame on YOU for being so gullible

  2. #2

    Re: Strategy Guide humor

    Originally posted by Cyprux
    Trader: Intro- Traders really know how to stretch a buck. parties love them for thei ability to finagle the very best weapons and equiptment for rock-bottom prices.

    Weaknesses- No real offensive capabilities.

    Weapon- Shotgun is a good choice for a trader. Weapons are strictly for emergencies only for this profession
    See!!

    We have no offensive capabilities!! Traders need love!
    --Rookie Teh "Wobble" Sux----------------------- AKA-----------------------Pirate "Ninjapirate" Dog--
    -+Legion+-
    WTB ATI T&L fix, h8 D3D.

  3. #3
    Man... I need to get that thing off the shelf again one of these days. There's bound to be more hilariously outdated stuff in there
    Vanguard Mharc. Self-equipper extraordinaire no longer. I'm back!

  4. #4

    Re: Strategy Guide humor

    Originally posted by Cyprux

    Enforcer: Weapons- Your the king of Melee weapons: get the best ones you can. For backup carry a shotgun or an SMG.

    Backup Shotgun or Smg lol, I wonder how many newbs gimped themselves maxing shotgun or SMG aswell as 2hb or whatever, after reading that "guide"
    If you can't beat them, Hit them in the face with a wrench

    Rubirango

  5. #5

    Re: Re: Strategy Guide humor

    Originally posted by Rußirango

    Backup Shotgun or Smg lol, I wonder how many newbs gimped themselves maxing shotgun or SMG aswell as 2hb or whatever, after reading that "guide"
    Hmm... would only be needed for PvP as an emergency backup when rooted, and it does imply you can get your weapons on and off easilly.... Would be possible for single-skill weapons I'd guess, I could have near 500 in shotgun if I wasn't blighted with HW requirements... But I suspect its not common, at least at low-mid levels...
    "Do not try and catch the hamster... that's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth... There is no hamster, only a deadbeat rollerat..."

    [Social] Means: I don't think we removed any bosses because of bad pathing...there wouldnt be any left if we did :P

    AO Character Skill Emulator and Character Parser and AO Implant Layout Helper

  6. #6
    LOL man, those exact words were in the strategy guide? Jesus wept, who wrote that thing?
    Nanomage: The OTHER other white meat

  7. #7
    I just re-read the guide, I'm still crying.



    Too d*** funny!
    Twidgett sol engi
    D*** IT DIZZ attack him!
    Sseo opy fixer
    /me picks up anything not nailed down, and a few that are
    Roxs atrox enforcer
    Don't I look smart with glasses?

  8. #8
    Originally posted by THEDEACON!
    LOL man, those exact words were in the strategy guide? Jesus wept, who wrote that thing?


    yep =)

  9. #9

    Re: Re: Strategy Guide humor

    Originally posted by Rußirango



    Backup Shotgun or Smg lol, I wonder how many newbs gimped themselves maxing shotgun or SMG aswell as 2hb or whatever, after reading that "guide"
    *raises his hand*

    well, I didn't read that then, but I once used a gun of some sort. I've forgotten what it was, but I swear it had assault rifle, shotgun and flingshot as req

    HEY! I was new to AO back then, and was told I needed to get a new weapon (I was using my startup-bat at lvl 6, dammit)

  10. #10

    Talking

    lol nerf those well rounded engies

  11. #11

    Re: Strategy Guide humor

    Originally posted by Cyprux


    Engineer: Bottomline A good, well rounded, nano-based profession


    The only "well rounded" Engies are the ones that pick the obese model
    Advisor of First Light
    Tradeskill How-To's, Engineer Profession Guides, and Jello Wrestling at The Tir School of Engineering
    Confused by Alien Tech? Check out my Alien Invasion Guides

    New to Engineering? Try HighOrbit's Engineer Guide. Thanks HighOrbit

  12. #12
    It also says we NTs are the masters of damage

    Kymmie

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