questions about girls...PLEASE HELP!

[____________mgbkurtz]

now, i know us hardcore AO players know absolutly nothing about girls...but, maybe the diamond in the rough could help me

why is it that girls want to be treated like crap?

i dont understand.

i started "dating" this girl and thought i was doing everything right. i didn't visit her every day, i told her to go out and have a good time with her friends. i say to her "flirt with other guys if that makes you happy"...

she goes to a party, i dont have to go. i keep my distance and let her enjoy herself. i invited her to a concert, make her feel comfortable...she says that she trusts me. i never pull the "get her drunk" routine that other guys to.

but everyone is like "lay off her man, you're getting too tight"...
since when is being generous, understanding toward woman's feelings and making her feel secure ever TIGHT! isn't that what a girl wants? a guy that understands her and is generous with her...almost puts her on a pedisal

i get it from everyone. i am a serious guy, especially when it comes to relationships. but, when i am a father i hope my daughters being guys home like me. honestly...

so, i am in a pickle. i don't want to change, but it seems like the last two girls i met don't like to be treated right. a male friend of her's said to me tonight "i used to treat girls like you did, but it doesnt work. you have to treat her like garbage because it's the only thing they know. they want a challenge." i could see it because my brother treats girls like garbage and he's the one getting lucky. but, i will never want to treat woman like that. it's disgusting what they do. i hope it's not true or else i'm really going to have a tough time trying to get things back together again

i guess the nice guy finishes last, but i'm tired of running. if anyone, male or female has anything to add to the subject, please do

john

[lilnymph]

It depends on the girl, really. Treat me like garbage is a quick way to A&E for the night . However some girls like adventure, and want to feel a little rebelious, so they might like a guy who treats them like you describe. Other girls like a "Challange" of changing someone into the person they want them to be. Us women are strange creatures, the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

Hugs

lilnymph

[_______________Abote]

Originally posted by lilnymph
Us women are strange creatures, the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

I could not agree more but hey, what would the fun be if you understood all about em?

[OneManArmy]

Originally posted by Bodaway


I could not agree more but hey, what would the fun be if you understood all about em?

well, for one, I would know what's up with all these mindgames they play all the time. Those drive me crazy!


...maybe that's what they want?

[TheFreakOne]

When i read your post, many things u described about yourself reminded you of me. I also try to treat girls nice etc, and it has only done good things for me so far. Maybe ive been lucky, finding a girl that really appreciate that guys show respect and being kind. Just be youself like u have been doing, and if the girl doesnt like that...forget her, then shes not right for u. Its far between nice and decent girls, but when they appear they want guys like u man. Hang in there...

Carny

[AiymaNeut]

mgbkurtz, when it really comes down to it, no girl (at least no girl that is worth your time) wants to be constantly, endlessly, idolized and worshipped. It just doesn't make for an interesting relationship, nor is it sustainable. You'll come across as boring and unimaginative if you agree to everything she says. Don't be afraid to tell her how you feel and what you want to do. Girls hate guys trying to control them, but you will find that, in the long run, you might hate the opposite just as much. You have to find that warm fuzzy balance, which isn't too easy to do, but worth it if you find it.

Giving her freedom to go out with her friends, to parties, etc., should be common-place, anyway. She has her little "girls' nights out", you hit a pub with your boys (or come visit RK for a really wild time). Couples that spend every waking moment together are doomed to failure.

Don't listen to any idiot that says to treat girls like "garbage" - stuff like that stopps working after grade 11. Just be yourself. Don't try and be anything or do anything that isn't you. If you're a nice guy, and that's not working now, just be patient - something will come along eventually. If you're looking at a serious relationship, better to wait than to jump at everything that comes along.

[lilnymph]

Originally posted by Alamexis
Just be yourself. Don't try and be anything or do anything that isn't you.

This is probably the best advice you can be given in life, not just in love. Be Yourself and you will find it much easier to relax and enjoy yourself, and the right girl will come along. It took till I was 23 till I found her. And if you boys think you have trouble with mind games, try and imagine how many you get in a lesbian relationship

Hugs

lilnymph

[Vdpmeat]

All of the women I've had relationships with really like it when I tell them that I base my behavior on what other players in an MMORPG have to say.

[_______________Juggy]

ignore all these people.

99.99% of all the good looking women in the world like to be treated like crap, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Just accept it, or resign to the fact you will be frustrated till your 30's untill you get licky with some bar-tramp that wants to settle down with the next thing she sees walk in the door.

If you treat them nice, you wont get laid because they will think you are a limp-dikc

If you treat them like crap, then they will feel the need to 'change you' and spread thier legs faster than a gogo in bali, just so you will stick around long enough for them to convince you you need to be a nice guy... which will never happen cause once it does they drop you and move onto the next thing.



oh, and if you are ugly, dont be an ashole cause that will get you nowhere. You best bet is to be 45% ass, 55% nice.

[____________mgbkurtz]

thanks for the advice..

perhaps i am trying to "control" the situation a little bit. but i dont spend every waking moment with her either. i'm very conscious of the whole "space" thing, but it seems that i dont grasp the whole concept completly.

i think you guys are right when you say that if a girl wants to be treated like garbage than she's not the girl for you. it's funny, because before college i had no problem with these sort of things. yeah, the relationships in high school were kinda on the light side, but the girls LOVED the way i treated them. once they got a taste of what i had to offer they couldn't let go. i guess that's why i was always on the terminating side of the relationship.

now, when i get to college i'm the one who seems to be in the wrong. maybe i should reinstall AO and come back to Rubi-KA!

kurtz

[Healios]

I think you have the right approach. Ultimately being kind and considerate will win out in the end.

If you take your friends advice and try to act "bad" when it's not you, then you will appear like a totally phony and women will flee from you. So as people have said, Be yourself.

Some women are drawn to men who treat them badly, ussually its because they had an abusive parent, so they are trying to recreate that unconsciously.

Men who have a low opinion of women and treat them badly, are goofs and losers.

So let the dysfunctional hang together, but avoid them like the plague, as they say misery loves company.

[____________mgbkurtz]

an older co-worker told me at work that it gets better after college and that nice guys when out in the end...

my boss's b/f is taking her to rome next summer and she was so excited. i see her and how appriciative she is over what her b/f does for her, big or small. that's all i really want; for a girl to be appriciative of what i do for her...

kurtz

[Jynne]

From the point of view of a real actual girl...

Being yourself is the best advice anyone can give you, and I saw it before in this thread.

It's not because we can tell if you're lying or being fake, though we often can. It's because a relationship is a situation where two people both have to balance their wants and needs, and if you are pretending to be someone or something you aren't, you will be unhappy.

If you're unhappy because you feel that you have to put on a show and be someone else to be liked and wanted by your partner, you'll make your partner unhappy after a while too, because you'll blame them, and start to avoid and resent them.

If you're being yourself and you're still unhappy, find someone else, the person isn't right for you. It happens. Some people work out well together, others don't.

If any of us really understood the whys and hows of what makes some people work, while others don't, I'm sure we'd have it patented and bottled for sale This is one of Life's Great Mysteries; when you find someone that works with you accept it and be grateful to God for your luck.

When you are breaking up with someone who doesn't, accept it, and be grateful to God that you aren't stuck with them anymore

[______________Yazule]

Originally posted by lilnymph
It depends on the girl, really. Treat me like garbage is a quick way to A&E for the night . However some girls like adventure, and want to feel a little rebelious, so they might like a guy who treats them like you describe. Other girls like a "Challange" of changing someone into the person they want them to be. Us women are strange creatures, the sooner you accept that, the happier you will be.

Hugs

lilnymph

I just noticed you are 110 posts from being 1337!!!!!

dont forget to get a screeny, I did

[Rugger807]

Originally posted by Juggy
ignore all these people.

99.99% of all the good looking women in the world like to be treated like crap, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Just accept it, or resign to the fact you will be frustrated till your 30's untill you get licky with some bar-tramp that wants to settle down with the next thing she sees walk in the door.

If you treat them nice, you wont get laid because they will think you are a limp-dikc

If you treat them like crap, then they will feel the need to 'change you' and spread thier legs faster than a gogo in bali, just so you will stick around long enough for them to convince you you need to be a nice guy... which will never happen cause once it does they drop you and move onto the next thing.



oh, and if you are ugly, dont be an ashole cause that will get you nowhere. You best bet is to be 45% ass, 55% nice.

Lol Juggy now I see why you get all the women :P



Kid this is why we call it "The game" it's an ongoing mind**** that never stops. each half fighting for dominance. When one side concedes and becomes the submissive member, the relationship is over. The dominant side no longer enjoys the relationship without the fight and leaves.

Then again there is always the groupie relationships. One partner is in total controll and is using the other partener for benefits. Such as money/sex/to get at that sibling.

Then there is the most pathetic excuse for a relationship I have ever seen. The emotional sponge. One person is so emotionally insecure that they grasp at thier partner and lose it if one even slightly unthoughfull phrase is spoken. Sadly this relationship happens often in the gamer crowds, but only among the males. The male gamers have had so little touch with realitly and so little social interaction they don't know how to act. I've seen it happen and it is frightening.

Me? I'm a pornstar, what do I need with a relationship :P

[Lilgunnyr]

Juggy was correct in saying to ignore 99.99% of these people, but for the wrong reason. Here's what gets you laid:

For no reason at all, take off her shoes, and ask if she wants a foot massage. When she excitedly replies, "yes honey!", take said shoe (Preferably high-heels. Stillettos work nicely here.) and beat her in the forehead with it. Continously.

If that doesn't work, offer to make you and your significant other a steaming pot of hot chocolate. Then dump it on her lap. The burns don't heal for days, and if you're one of the lucky few that dates an ALBINO woman, you've just scarred her for life! That says more than any stupid tattoo ever could!

Now, should you find yourself out of luck, or on the receiving end of a well-placed kick to the groin, nothing says "I LOVE YOU" like five across the eyes. This casanova-esque method is also known as the "B*tch-slap", for those of you who are unfamiliar. (Use only as a last-resort tactic, when you really find it necessary to prove your love.)

[Poetica]

Don't ask... I'm a girl, and I don't understand girls... Heck I don't even understand myself

[Blackpetal]

Boy...some really hateful things a couple of people are saying...

Anyway, there will always be manipulation and politics involved in relationships. That isn't a bad thing. A relationship is always about negotiation, compromise, and trying to find common ground. Even an unhealthy relationship is based on those elements (it's just that one side may be compromising TOTALLY). I think that many people in college (men AND women) are in the process of discovering themselves in a different way. They may be exploring "serious" relationships for the first time, and be trying to learn how to communicate with a partner on a different level.

While some of these people may be genuinely manipulative jerks (and jerkettes ^_^), most are just not sure what the heck they are doing.

With that said, my opinion is this: don't go into ANY date/early relationship with expectations about how things "should" be. Have fun. Get to know the other person. Don't try to elevate the other person, but don't treat her badly either. The golden rule is STILL a good one to follow: treat others the way you want and expect to be treated. The vast majority of women want to be treated with respect (surprise!) just as the vast majority of men do. This shouldn't come as any great shock, I hope.

Just relax. Let things evolve organically. Don't think too much about what you SHOULD do, because every person and every relationship is different. Use your judgement and intuition. Listen to what your partner is saying, tell her to be honest and be honest in return. There is no secret codebook for deciphering women's behavior any more than there is a Rosetta Stone to explain male actions.

-Blackpetal

[_____________mittens]

Male actions are easy to decipher...

Hungry + feed stomach = Happy
Randy + want sex = Happy
Tired + want sleep = Happy
Angry + want smash = Happy

It's that simple.

[Lilgunnyr]

Thanks Dr. Ruth.