[ALL] IRRK: Breaking News: ICC Releases Report on Tragedy in Andromeda

[Editor: IRRK]

Breaking News: ICC Releases Report on Tragedy in Andromeda
October 30, 29483 - [Global]

IRRK - Breaking News: ICC Releases Report on Tragedy in Andromeda


Andromeda, usually a quiet area of Rubi-Ka due to the presence of the local ICC outpost, was a center of mystery last night as fifteen individuals were sent through insurance reclaim at the site of a local farm.

At 03:25 hours yesterday, ICC Peacekeepers were sent to investigate an incident at the local "Highwinds Farm" - Usually a busy locale this time of year, with a sizable pumpkin crop that is known across the planet. There was little to celebrate yesterday, however, as the ICC discovered fifteen badly mangled corpses dotting the fields.

Farm head Darnell McCoy, shift leader and the only member of the work team to survive yesterday's events, was the one who reported the incident to the ICC. When contacted by the our reporter he had the following to say:

(quoted verbatim)
"Welp, I was jus' takin' my tea break when it happened... sat down on tha bench jus' cross from tha pumpkin' patch tha boys were workin' on when suddenly - I mean darndest thing, too - tha damn pumpkin's all started glowin'! I got on up from tha bench an' tried hollerin' at 'em ta get tha hell outta there, but it seemed like none of 'em couldn't hear me none. I went on an' started dashin' over there quick as I could but when I was about thirty meters out tha whole damn patch started eruptin' somethin' fierce! Pumpkin's just glowin' an' poppin' all over tha place! Every time one of 'em poofed there was this weird... like a fog, I guess, pourin' out over tha fields - I tried ta stay clear of it best I could, but damned if it didn't feel cold as ice out there. I couldn't see nothin' in there for a good ten seconds or so... and then when tha fog lifted up? Everyone was... they were... well, y'all done seen tha pictures. Every last one of 'em, just ripped ta shreds... weren't no pumpkin that did it, I can guarantee ya that. Dunno what did happen, though - Weren't no screams, no hollars, no nothin'. Just... explosions, fog, an' a buncha dead bodies..."

Farmer McCoy and the rest of the reclaimed farm hands were taken into custody shortly after our interview for further questioning - No charges have been filed.

The ICC has remained quiet regarding the incident, claiming that none of the reclaimed workers seem to retain any memories of what happened in the Highwind Farms pumpkin field. An informational report regarding forensics taken at the farmstead has also proved inconclusive; according to the report, there was no evidence of any broken pumpkin remains, despite the claims that the pumpkins were to have 'exploded'. Additionally, in the coroners report, there was no explosion-based tissue damage to the corpses found at the scene; instead the bodies were marred with puncture wounds and deep gashes. The ICC has yet to comment on potential weaponry used in the incident, but an inside source has informed the IRRK that the farming implements found on the pumpkin field were also taken in as evidence, and appeared to have blood covering their bladed areas.

IRRK Chief Medical Correspondant Vindi Rockwell offered the following:

"It seems to me as though we are dealing with some form of mass hallucination - Perhaps a psychoactive agent of some sort. There's ultimately very little else that would explain the claims of Mr. McCoy. Personally, I would suggest the ICC take a look into their pumpkin farm operations and ensure that there aren't any wild mushrooms growing in their crops, if you follow my meaning..."

In an independant lab report conducted by the IRRK, a pumpkin at the field tested negative for psychoactive drugs and hallucinogens, but did contain traces of recently-used nanobots within the pumpkin's flesh - Based off of forensics reports from the nanites, there is no manufacturer information nor trace-user DNA coding locked within; for all intents and purposes, the nanobots appear to be custom-created. We have submitted these findings to the ICC for further study, but have received no more information regarding the trace sample.

Though details are scant, the IRRK is following this story closely and will issue further reports as information becomes available. If you or anyone you know has seen any reports of strangely glowing pumpkins or an odd, icy fog centered around pumpkins of any sort, please contact the IRRK immediately via our comments section - Meanwhile, the ICC is issuing a warning to all individuals on Rubi-Ka that if they witness any strange pumpkin-based activity to please keep their distance and contact an ICC representitive as soon as possible. Keep watching the IRRK News Wire for more information on this breaking story as it develops.

[Neista]

I get the feeling this is just the beginning...

[Effrit]

Pile those pumpkinheads high. For unless i miss my guess, we're in for one wild night.

[Polmara]

Well just time for ssome serious cooking or we could have another anient teaching of how big a splot does a pumpkin make when lobbed from Trebuchet?

[vallikat]

Cathryn had just finished teasing her hair when the latest news caught her attention.

Very interesting, she thought, just when I thought the Harvester was losing his edge, it seems he's found some new tricks.

Turning from the mirror she reached under the bed to pull out the trunk containing her armor. "Looks like I was a little to quick to pack this away again." She absently pulled her hair up into a more sensible configuration while voicing the combination to open the trunk.

A few minutes later she once again faced her mirror, smiling to herself as the GSP playlist seemed to read her mind. She couldn't help but sing along to the all to appropriate tune, "let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor..."