I've fought it for years. An entire lifetime of solitude and keeping at a distance doesn't easily change. At the age of 14 I slowly let one person in. Since then , he alone was allowed access to my thoughts, feelings, reasons for continuing to fight for survival. Another 16 years later and I've taken a step I thought I'd never take. I was happy being just the two of us. We didn't need anyone. At least that's what I told myself. But I can't keep pretending that anyone on Rubika can go it alone forever. I can't keep pretending I don't care what happens here. And so finally, I will join my love in standing with others to make a difference. I have joined Lumen Orien. I will fight, I will help, I will love... always fiercely. And it's time. It's time for my story to be told.
~Tarynali
Sunday morning, April 20, 29464
Tarynali awoke slowly trying to remember where she was. She lay in fetal position with her knees tucked tightly to her chest. Her hand immediately reached for her knife; it was not in her sheath, but laying next to her on the ground. Her eyes felt gritty as she forced them open. A gentle fire warmed her a few feet away, and on the other side, watching her was... what was his name? It was the Atrox she'd rescued two weeks ago. He'd found her. Tary wondered how he managed. She'd hid her tracks well; no one found her when she didn't want to be found. A small voice inside suggested she was hoping he would find her and she firmly told the voice to shut up. She didn't need anyone. How dare he interfere in her life? That's what she gets for helping someone.
She quickly tried to sit up with thoughts of letting Ughnaught (yes, that was his name!) know just how she felt about being here with him, daring to watch her, finding her in the first place... Pain exploded in her head! What in the world? She cried out in pain and surprise, but heard only a raspy squeak escape her throat. Suddenly flashes of memory came back.
The dark alley. Omni thieves, arms full of wares, walking quickly away from a body. Blood. The smell of fear. They saw her and even as her reflexes kicked in, she was soon overwhelmed; five to one should not have left her that vulnerable, but she'd had her guard down. Why was that anyway? She knew better than to ever relax. She struggled to remember. Abruptly, her mind flinched away from the answer, and suddenly hit by overwhelming exhaustion, Tary stopped trying. Taking a ragged breath she put her mind instead to remembering what happened that night.
The visions hit again. Pain. Lack of air. Bodies pressing on her. She heard the sound of clothes ripping and only the ghastly feel of foul sweat dripping on her bare skin made her realize it was her own clothes. She fought wildly but she'd been confused long enough for them to pin her arms and legs down. She let out an animal howl of anger, and almost as if the sound had power, the bodies upon her lessened their weight. She heard a voice, and felt the attention of her attackers turn elsewhere.
Tary opened her eyes again slightly, peeking across the fire. Ughnaught. It was him. He'd helped her. She didn't want to be found and he helped her. Saved her. Why? No one had done that before. Ever. Again why? A feeling she didn't like came over her. It made her feel vulnerable. She preferred not to feel. It made things easier. She'd been alone as long as she could remember. She'd done just fine for 14 years without anyone but herself. That small voice came again, “Then why did you rescue him first? Why did you get involved?” Shut up, she thought. “Maybe you don't really want to be alone.”
She closed her eyes again, and was immediately back in the vision. She saw herself moving from the ground pulling her knife and wildly attacking the distracted thieves. It didn't last long at this point. She got two of them fairly deep with her knife; blood splattered on the wares carelessly thrown to the ground. Four of them began running, or at least trying to run, each injured man hanging on another for support. “Not so tough now are ya?” she remembered thinking, and readied herself to pursue. Why should she let them live after what they tried to do? Then an anguished sound came from behind her, and an Atrox was standing over a body, a very dead body, weeping. Weeping? Why not rejoice? The bastard deserved what he got. But as she watched him, she couldn't reprimand him. She wanted to rescue him again, take away his pain. Where did that come from anyway?
Tary tried to speak several times and failed. Finally she said. “Thank you.” There was silence. She was about to add that she hadn't really needed his help when their gazes locked. He looked at her with eyes so intense and mournful she could not tear her gaze away. “You'd better get out of here,” she said instead.
The Atrox she now knew as Ughnaught had nodded but said, “You're coming with me. I'm not letting you go now.” The way he said it warned Tary not to argue. What was wrong with her? She didn't intimidate easily. She heard voices and what sounded like guards nearby. Ughnaught grabbed her hand and they began to run. She vaguely remembered running for a long time, holding tight to his hand, following blindly. And he'd brought her here. He told her his name, how he'd been looking for her ever since she hadn't minded her own business 2 weeks ago. Stupid. And yet... a warmth she'd never felt before filled her slowly from her toes to the top of her head. Then Tary did something she'd never done before, surrendering to the moment. She began to talk.
“Good morning.” Ughnaught's voice was quiet and gentle, but the intensity she'd seen last night was still there. Dear heavens did she really pour her heart out to him? What came over her? Tary paused. She should be angry at herself, but she strangely wasn't. She should be stomping out of here, knocking him unconscious so he couldn't follow her this time. But instead, while calling herself all kinds of stupid, she slowly sat up and moved toward the fire. She tried to smile and her lip cracked and began to bleed. Ughnaught reached over and wiped the blood with his finger. She looked into his eyes. No, she would not be running this time. And as for him following her? She suddenly hoped he'd never stop.
))
