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Thread: A Family Divided

  1. #1

    A Family Divided

    Tony stands in the rain, in the alley he was told. “I wish he would hurry up” he thought. Waiting for his job to come so he can make some money, so he can buy more goods to make more money, and so on. Every night…he stands in the rain, tired, cold, and wet. All of a sudden is comm. Beeps.

    *Incoming Transmission*
    *Recording begins*
    “Hey Tony its Joey. How are you bro? I know it’s been a while. Uh well Look I’ll get to the point. Dad hasn’t been doin well….I..we…well maybe its time you came home for a bit. I know you and dad are on shaky terms but…maybe you can reconcile. We all miss you…you should see your neice…she’s getting so big. Give me a call Tony. Take Care.
    *Transmission Ends*

    Tony shrugged it off. He didn’t care a bout his family anymore. What was the point. He saw men coming. He thought finally he could get the job done and go home. He was wet and tired. The men came up to him.

    “You got the goods?” the one man said looking around to make sure no one was looking. “Yea I got them...you got the money?” Tony holds his briefcase tighter. The man gets a back and takes out a few credit chips. “Do you have the goods” the man said pointing to the case Tony is carrying. Tony nods opening it up. Tony closes it and hands it to the man but not letting go til he gets the chips in his hand.

    “Good doing business with you Tony” the man smiles as he takes the case and leaves. His sidekick follows him. Tony watches him leave. He yawned. He walked home to his apartment. It was empty...not much furniture the basic bed and fridge. He spent most of this time on the streets doing business. He checked his messages on his comm system.

    **Transmission Begins**

    Tony? Its Vera....dad is really sick...come home please. I promise things will be better. We can help. Dad needs his family. We love you...and miss you. Call me Tony.

    **Transmission Ends*

    Tony shook his head. He didn't need his family. They didn't care about him anyway. All they cared about was image. But he couldn't stop thinking about them. He siblings...his dad. Fun times at the fair when he was a kid. Suddenly he thought “what if I did go home?”. He thought about his time at school and how he always quit. Never stayed on top of things or stayed on track. He always found an easy way out. He thought about the messages. “Maybe I'll call them back tomorrow”, he sighed. “Maybe I'll make a trip back for a bit...yea sounds good”. He laid down and fell asleep. He woke in the morning, looked at the message listing on his comm system. It read “ 1 message Vera Corola”. He shrugged, got dressed and left for another days work.

    [[Ok small start on a story in the works. Thats all I'll say about as there is no point to telling whom the story is about :P Feedback negative and positive are welcome. This is really my first story besides cylie]]
    Tresa "Cylie" Burke

  2. #2
    I like it so far. The protagonist is flawed.

  3. #3
    ((So far so good, can't wait to read more. ))

  4. #4
    ((Definitely a good start Keep it coming!))
    220 Finalizer (FINALLY, after 3 years without a single ding!) Nulion, Squad Commander (And Council of Truth Clerical Staffer) of Alpha Omega

    Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly...Suddenly I awoke...Now, I do not know whether I was then
    a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming that I am a man. - Chuang Tzu

  5. #5
    ((Im working on my second part. hopefully by the weekend. THanks for the feedback]]
    Tresa "Cylie" Burke

  6. #6

    Family Divided (Continued)

    Tony worked for one of the local dealers. He did some of his own dealing as well to get extra cash. He’d do anything to get money, moral or not, he didn’t care. He always took the short way out. He never accomplished much. In school he always started trouble. In high school he was exposed to drugs and dealing. He dropped out and left home. After a few years he met Johnny Betrullo. Betrullo was one of the most dangerous dealers and loan sharks. Tony eventually went to work with him. Running errands, dealing, or visiting people whom owed Johnny money, Tony did anything Johnny asked of him, did all his dirty work.

    Eventually Tony became his right hand man. Tony was lazy…but he had some smarts, and he knew how to get close to Johnny. Though after a few years Tony’s cockiness got the best of him, and he tried to take the business away from Johnny. Betrullo was a powerful and dangerous man. When he found out what Tony was doing, Tony was kicked out on the streets but not after a few broken limbs and a bloody face. Not to mention a debt over several tens of thousands of credits.

    Tony was forced to flee to get away from his debt. Every week Betrullo’s men came looking for Tony to pay up. Tony robbed a few stores, stole a few purses. Eventually he got enough money to buy a ticket off the planet and somewhere else. He flew to Rubi Ka. He’d never been there but he heard of it. He had heard the dealing business was pretty good and had a couple contacts there.

    As he walked the streets of Borealis, he thought to himself “If I just could get my hands on some money, then I’d be fine.” He thought this a lot when business was bad. Well he thought this a lot actually. He always fantasized himself as a big shot who. Johnny was Tony’s idol. He wanted to be just like him. He wanted fame and fortune and didn’t care how he got it.

    He got to Rubi Ka and found his contacts but they either had heard what he did, or didn’t want to do any business with him. One of his contacts, Cal, said he would do business but only if Tony had money. Which, he didn’t. Tony began to think it was over for him. He had no money left, no people to scam. He sat in Neuters looking at his comm. unit. And suddenly he remembered home.

    Tony’s family was one of the wealthiest and respected families on the planet Corrilian. He began to think about home and contacts he might have had there. He didn’t want to go home. His family hated him he thought to himself. It wasn’t always that he thought. There were times his father was there for him even though Tony was on the wrong track. Then he had an idea. An idea that could fix all of his problems…his father’s estate.

    Tony ran to the star port and walked up to the ticket window. “One ticket to Corrilian please”.
    Tresa "Cylie" Burke

  7. #7
    ((Oooh, I wanna see what this guy does next ))
    220 Finalizer (FINALLY, after 3 years without a single ding!) Nulion, Squad Commander (And Council of Truth Clerical Staffer) of Alpha Omega

    Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly...Suddenly I awoke...Now, I do not know whether I was then
    a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming that I am a man. - Chuang Tzu

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