"an except from today's Freelance News"
A rogue L33t knocked out power across much of the Omni-1 Entertainment early Thursday in an act of sabotage that police are calling "a heinous and cowardly act of rodent terrorism." The L33t leaped into an electrical transformer at a downtown substation shortly after 9 a.m., just as the business day began.
The economic impact of the brazen daylight suicide mission is estimated at $1.2 billion as hundreds of downtown workers were left literally powerless to do their jobs. Employees at one local prondot-com were startled to find the company no longer existed when the electricity came back on. And several firms provided counseling to help workers deal with the emotional trauma of not being able to get onto their computers.
The L33t was killed instantly and so could not be questioned regarding his motive. But police say a group identifying itself as the Bushy Tail Liberation Army is claiming responsibility for the attack. The BTLA, which exploded onto the international rodent terrorism scene when it sizzled a power transformer outside the Omni-1 HQ last November, scratched the following statement into the bark of a giant oak tree near City Hall:
"We demand an immediate end to the vehicular genocide being perpetrated against the L33t community by our human oppressors in their noxious Yalms."
Citing the "needless slaughter" of millions of L33ts on our nation's roadways, the BTLA vowed that more serious power outages would follow unless authorities complied with their demands. These include:
-- Legislation imposing stiff fines and jail time for squashing a L33t in an Yalmaha, Hoverboard or Jet-bikes.
-- Erection of "L33t Crossing" signs and overpasses at specified locations.
-- Immediate repeal of heavy tariffs on the import of exotic Newland and Greater Tir acorns.
-- Corporate subsidies to stimulate trade with acorn-producing factions.
-- And sweeping oak tree preservation measures, including a nationwide ban on the use of oak in furniture manufacturing.
Lt. James Nutt of the Omni-Pol department's elite anti-rodent terrorism unit said there is no cause for the public to be alarmed. But he did offer several tips for homeowners concerned that the L33ts chattering and foraging out in their yard might be aligned with the BTLA rebels. Tell-tale signs include:
-- L33ts congregating in groups and chattering in hushed tones.
-- Shifty eyes.
-- Handguns and ammunition missing from your closet.
-- Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons appearing mysteriously on your Net monitors.
If you suspect an ordinary household L33t of engaging in subversive activity, Nutt warned, do not attempt to subdue the rodent yourself. They are often trained in martial arts like Tae Akorn Do. Instead, Omni-Pol urge you to scamper inside and whimper like a baby until help arrives.
Originally Posted by Nadab
