"Mission Control Needs YOU!"

[___________Misophist]

Frenetic peered at the mission control assignment, scanning the vague instructions requesting that she, the individual chosen for this unique job, find an object somewhere in an ugly brown cave where lots of baddies tend to hang out and do absolutely nothing but buff themselves continuously and wait for the first unlucky Omni employee who stumbles upon their underground hideout.

Well, the description wasn't quite so detailed as that, but Fren knew, without a doubt, she would soon be unlocking vine doors that somehow held frightened rollerrats or very large explosives.

And how could she forget the vicious pools of calm blue water that beckon a tired warrior into their cool depths only to ensnare them there until the aforementioned warrior can gather enough strength to acrobatically leap out of the evil and diabolical trap?!

Frenetic, the brave martial artist, nodded grimly and accepted the mission.

This time, her enemies had decided to hang out in the middle of Clon****, deep inside a cave hewn aesthetically into a cliffside, a cave that resembled all the other clandestine grottos in the area. Fren reached her mission location in no time flat, thanks to the handy-dandy blow-up plane known as the Yalmaha.

"It's just one of those things you don't think about too much," thought Fren. "I mean, it just doesn't make sense! Well, okay -- nanobots and all, but still. How can a plane fit inside my backpack?"

Fren shook her head, packed her plane away, and entered the cave.

The first room was empty. Convenient, of course, but it seemed strange -- shouldn't somebody be on guard at the entrance, you know, to make sure nobody could get into their super-secret underground lair?

Oh well. They were just making her life easier.

Sort of.

She peeked around the first vine curtain, which slid open much like a mechanical door to reveal three hulking enforcers in the main hallway.

Fren backed up, groaned, and then made a mad dash into the main room, trying to draw attention to just one of the mean uglies stomping around inside. Of course, they weren't that stupid, and all came at once -- in such a peculiar fashion, too! They did not lift their legs to run, but instead glided across the floor, clubs raised in anger at the feisty intruder who had located their ultra-secret cave dungeon.

They proceeded to pound upon the luckless martial artist. She fought back, and one fell, but Fren knew she would have to step outside for a few moments if she wanted to avoid the reclaim terminal. And she did, only to be greeted by a ravenous monolith blubbag waiting outdoors!

Now this blubbag wouldn't ordinarily be a problem, but Fren was already pretty hurt. She ducked back into the cave, and although the baddies hadn't followed her outside, they were ready and waiting inside their hidden retreat.

"Argh!" Fren growled and made a hasty escape. Ugh, blubbag again! With a sigh, she limped from the cave entrance, avoiding any possible monsters by utilizing her radar display, and finally the blubbag grew tired of its disheveled and injured prey. It must not have been that hungry, after all.

Fren sat down heavily. She administered health kits to her bleeding wounds, and refreshed her nano pool. Ah, that felt good. Wearily, she got back up and went to her cave. The remaining two atrox were dispatched with less complication, but damn, they took forever to kill!

When they were finally dead, Fren healed again, looked at her fists, and ruefully wondered why her damage display was reporting such low numbers. "It's as if I'm hitting minimum damage! By golly, I'm a minimum damage artist!"

She chuckled appreciatively and explored the rest of the cave, encountering many gliding rookie clan enforcers, martial artists, robotbuilders, bureaucrats, etcetera. After about two hours, she vanquished all the terribly stubborn, slow-witted and silent clan villains.

Fren then started thinking aloud again, and thinking -- in any fashion -- is never wise on Rubi-Ka.

"I mean, think about it -- mutants generally have more to say than the humans who inhabit the various caves and underground bunkers of Rubi-Ka. None of these cave dwellers ever ask questions, like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' No threats, either, like a generic, 'I'll kill you! You gonna die, beyotch!' Nothing. It's almost as if they wait there to die, and they never even think to run out the front door when the going gets tough."

"Oh well," Fren muttered, and went to look for the mission item.

Ah, there it was. Sitting nicely in a little closet. A closet with a vine door, no less. A vine door, that when she had unlocked it moments before, announced, "Oh no - a bomb!" and proceeded to blind her AND gift her with a frightened pet rollerrat who did nothing but make piteous noises as it wandered about erratically inside the cave -- much like an engineer's robot.

When her vision cleared, Fren kicked the rollerrat, grabbed the item -- a quality 60 right hand implant with an added bonus of a ricky-pattern shirt plus 18,798 credits -- and left the god-forsaken cave.

And then she went back to mission control to do it all over again.

The End.

[__________Grimfarrow]

Please continue the Adventures of Frenetic in tasty. chocolate-covered bon-bon-sized episodes.

"In tonight's episode, Frenetic accepts that she may suffer from bulimia; guest appearances by Misophist and Macy Gray."

Thank you, thank you!

[Edit: Misspelled Macy Gray, and removed the hyperlink to James Hetfield of Metallica, naked. We've all seen it already.]

[____________Kichbach]

groovy