Rubi-ka Star-Times Herald Globe Tribune - Ed. APR 101

[Editor: IRRK]

Rubi-ka Star-Times Herald Globe Tribune - Ed. APR 101

In this edition of truthful news gathering:

Ancient Musician Spotted in Newland!
Psycho-Spatial Latency Threatens Rubi-ka!



Ancient Musician Spotted in Newland!
Newland, 2 APR

Citizens complained to the Newland City Militia of 'loud and strange racket' coming from Apartment Complex #1 late Friday night. Militia guards stormed the complex trying to identify the somewhat ghostly sounding noises' source. Upon coming up empty, the Guards exited the building to find an Odd Man in a white gem studded suit singing 'down at the end huf lone-lay shtreet it th... A-trox ho-tehl!'. The man dissolved into a faint glow and quickly faded. While the apparition disappeared, a single item was left behind, a blue cloth shoe of some sort.

Local psychic medium 'Madam Loquiascious' stated that she believed this to be the restless spirit of some ancient musician who evidently is touring the far reaches of humanity... not realizing perhaps that he's dead. "Or perhaps he simply doesn't want to let a little thing like death interfere with his tour schedule." added Madam Loquiascious.


Psycho-Spatial Latency Threatens Rubi-ka!
Rome Green, 3 APR

Have you ever been running across an area, and suddenly without warning, you're jolted back fifty feet? Or perhaps while cleaning house in a mission somewhere ALL the doors suddenly black out, you can see through walls, time and space, then you find yourself appearing elsewhere in the facility? YOU may have experienced Psycho-Spatial Latency! According to Dr. R. L. Fumpquist of Rome's 'Paranormal Institute of Metaphysical Psychology' (P.I.M.P.) at least six out of ten Rubi-kans have experienced Spatial Latency at some point.

"You zee, mahnee peepuhl haf egzpeereeunsed ztrange 'appeningz vitout efun knowing VAT vas goingk on! Zees spacial 'hiccups' ahr bekoming qvite an issue, ezpeseeuhly amoung zohes zat are freekquently een bahtuhl!" said Dr. Fumpquist recently at a lecture entitled 'We're All Going to Die Because Reality Sucks'.

Essentially what the Institute has found is that humanity exists rather like a large, psychic computer network. "Zink of a komputahr netvurk! Eech pehrson is a node! Eech node is part of zee whole! Whven vun node gehts out of seenk vit zee netvurk, zey egzperiunse latency!"

The problem is that these occurances of latency are becoming frighteningly common among many citizens. Equally disturbing is that this activity is not in evidence on other worlds and colonies. Just Rubi-ka. "Vell, eet kould be zat our prohximitee to Notum ees a probluhm. Perhaps owur eenate psychic powvurs of perceefing realitee ver nawt designed to hahndle zee extra speed of trahnsmishun zat vee akomplish vit zee help of Notum!"

Extra psychic bandwidth! Souls out-of-synch with reality, is Rubi-ka truly where we should be? Or is it simply a death trap, dooming us all to a terrible death, lagging out of reality so badly eventually that we never resync with humanity!? We'll have more as the scientists of P.I.M.P. reveal more of their discoveries.


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The Rubi-ka Star-Times Herald Globe Tribune is an independant datazine published with permission of the IRRK.

- The Rubi-ka Star-Times Herald Globe Tribune Staff.