Discussions of the quiet Pt.1?

[Astera]

((this is probably going to be a two part/multiple part story about little more than personal reflection. Again, First Lights views are not reflected here, only my own... And I began writing about some things though they have past already, so just put that to the tune of how "out of the news" she is.))


"What is it with these people, they go to the Shadowlands and get all goofy in the head."

Those words echoed in my mind as I tightened it more around the neck of the dying soldier. His hands, bound and outstretched above his head, my knee in his back, levering his body as I pulled on the garotte. Leaning down, I pressed my lips near his ear and whispered, "You will never get us all...tell that boss of yours when you reclaim that I will make sure he doesnt reclaim when I get to him."

His body shuddered and he went limp. I didnt need a scanner to tell me he was dead and about to be go through reclaim. I pulled the garotte off of his neck and stood up. Activating a program, I was in the grid in less than a second.

Arriving in West Athen, I was greeted by a few friends about to use the Grid terminal. We exchanged pleasantries, not really knowing what to say to each other, but not staying silent either.

I had changed to quite a few people. I was more serious than ever, or so I heard...

I suppose I wasnt in the mood to be too social because I entered the fixer grid mid sentence of a greeting. I commed one of them and apologized profusely, then lied and said someone was waiting on me. Alone, the uneasey feeling I sometimes get in crowds left me. Exiting the rift, I was greeted to a sandstorm and quickly pulled a hood up over my head. I bolted north to a city that I knew was inhabited by clan soldiers who didnt talk to this stranger, who didnt eye her su****iously, who didn't care whether she lived or died. They meandered about, doing their various tasks, completely ignoring the fixer as she flew past them.

Moving faster than most dream about, I arrived at the small door and entered quickly, bolting it behind me. She was there, hiding from the sandstorm as well.

"Hello Astera, my friend. How are you?" Her thick accent heavy in her words.

"Im not complaining, yet. Though I never really do." I replied, shaking the sand from my long coat.

"Another purchase today?" she inquired, ever the businesswoman.

"No, no thank you, just here to relax today and catch up on the news..and do some thinking."

"Ah, well, care to share the news with me? My comm has been broken for a long time." she said as she turned on the small heater and then went back to stirring what appeared to be soup in a small pot.

I gave her a very sarcastic look, and wondered why she hadnt had a comm delivered...ah well...hermits, i'll never understand them.

She eyed me happily as I sat and activated the holo-viewer. "hmmm...Discontent...Endgame disbanded."

"I do not know what to say, Miss Astera... You were part of EG right? " she asked sadly.

"Yes, but two things Bernice...one, don't call me Miss...two, its okay, we'll live. I know I'll will keep the same friends i've always had." My face twisted in confusion."Leet fighting?"

"Leet fighting", she sighed, "How cruel can some people be?"

"Yeah...sounds like a good place for a Dust Brigade bombing." I said between laughs at the statement.

"Ah...Dust Brigade..." She trailed off, eyes lowering a bit.

"I figured they used normal resources from time to time." I said, a slight smile on my face. "Do you sell to them?"

"Miss..." she paused and smiled, " Astera, it has never come up. Im not sure if they would buy from me at all."

"You know, Bernice, for a hermit, you are talkative sometimes." I joked.

"We are a pair of hermits, Astera, alone but not really alone... I have considered moving my business to the dark lands, though it will be a little more difficult to conduct it there. I love the privacy here." She spoke her thoughts aloud.

"Its the same for me, Bernice...I've felt that pull from the shadowlands. I have felt a pull from the Redeemed. I want to believe that even the worst of us can be saved..but what is salvation? Salvation from what? Why do I have to be saved?! I..." , I trailed off, feeling some sort of misplaced anger.

She smiled politely, poured the light soup, made of mostly of roots, a few ****es and some sort of broth and handed me a bowl. "You eat, Astera...do not worry about salvation now. You will find salvation in your own way."

"...but damn it, im not searching for salvation! Im not searching to be happy. Im not searching for anything!” I grumbled loudly. "I live...period."

"Astera, it is said that a person who believes in nothing will fall for anything." a bit more of her odd wisdom.

"I suppose then that belief in some greater good and or evil is mandatory for existence then?" I shot back.

"Of course not. Some need belief or reason to keep going. What belief have you, Astera?" She asked.

"...I believe in people." I said quietly

"People?!?...how can YOU believe in people? Are you not..." she stopped as I snapped a cold glare at her.

"Yes, I am....and yes, I believe in people, though its often proven useless." sighing softly. "like today, that man had every chance to deliver this message..." I recounted the story, which I always did to her. "...in short, he chose to die, it wasnt me. I had faith that he would make the right decision, but like the other one hundred percent of people i've dealt with like this, they always choose ego. I..." stopping myself, beginning to reflect, "I suppose even I would choose ego sometimes...its not that im so enlightened that im above all of this...I just dont give much of a learning curve, it seems."

She nodded slightly, listening. I stared blankly into the holo-viewer, lost in thought...