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Thread: Chapter 2!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 /backflip x 2000

  1. #1

    Chapter 2!!! :D :D :D <3 <3 /backflip x 2000

    Chapter 1!


    Belmorte (looking at Metaphysical Demon with envy): Hmm. Deacon, maybe I should try some Spiked Food Sacks ™ as well? I mean, purely for research of course.

    Metaphysical Demon: Right on man. All the cool kids are doing it. Just one bite of sweet Spiked Food Sack ™ will make you forget how much it sucks to follow Deacon around all day.

    Thedeacon (stopping to face his pets): Belamorte, doing Spiked Food Sacks ™ does not make you cool. It’s who you are inside that makes you cool and you know what? I think you’re pretty cool without the Spiked Food Sacks ™.

    Belamorte: Deacon, you take the word “gimp” to new heights. Did you get that from the back of a cereal box or something?

    Thedeacon: No.

    Belamorte: Deacon…

    Thedeacon: Okay okay, yes. Yes I did. However, Frosted Notum flakes ™ provides a healthy moral message in addition to 4 non-essential vitamins and minerals and enough fiber to bust up the colon of a bronto mama. Hmm, speaking of which, is there a bathroom in this place?

    Metaphysical Demon (humming the lyrics to Inna-gadda-da-vida): Bathrooms are groovy man.

    Belamorte: I think what he means is “down the hall and to the right”, however the dynamic content builder may have put it to the left.

    Thedeacon (craning his neck forward to see to the end of the obscenely long mission hallway): Damn that dynamic content buildier, always moving around the rooms of these non-descript Broken Shores buildings.

    Belamorte: Omni-Tek is a cruel employer indeed. I think they do it to keep their employees from taking bathroom breaks or something.

    Thedeacon (looking su****iously at his pet): How is it that you seem to know so much about Omni’s practices, Belamorte? You’re not going Omni on me, are you?

    Belamorte: No way! I still like girls and stuff!

    /fblock

    Thedeacon: Alright, but I’m keeping an eye on you from now on, mister.

    Belamorte: Ew! Even when I get undressed? Maybe YOU’RE turning Omni, Deacon!

    /ymca

    Thedeacon: Well anyways, I really have to go pretty badly here. It’s going to take at least three hours to make it to the end of this mission.

    Belamorte: Yeah, timesinks suck.

    Thedeacon: Well right now, the only thing I want to sink is a big steaming loaf.

    Belamorte: Oh gross, Deacon! Too much information!

    Metaphysical Demon: Groovy man, Deacon’s gotta take a number two.

    Thedeacon (eyeing a Garbage Can): You think that maybe…

    Belamorte: DUDE! /nono

    Thedeacon: Oh come on. This is one of those pointlessly empty hallways. Surely nobody will notice if I leave behind a little memoir of the clans, will they? After all, Omni is full of crap anyways. You think they’d even notice a little bit extra?

    Belamorte: This is so twisted. Don’t you still have your luxurious rubber armor pants? I mean, couldn’t you just…..you know. I mean, isn’t that what they’re there for?

    Thedeacon: No, they’re there for the sole purpose of showing how class specific armor will always suck and blow at the same time. And besides, I don’t like the squishy feeling that wouldn’t give me.

    Belamorte (growing more uncomfortable): Aren’t they….um….self cleaning or something? I mean, the nanobots could like….eat….er… excuse me….

    /PUKE

    Belamorte: Hmm I don’t remember eating that…

    /PUKE

    Thedeacon: Belamorte, if it bothers you so much, why not float aaway or turn your back…er orb….or something.

    /ITCH

    /ITCH

    Thedeacon: Okay that’s it, I’m totally prairie doggin’ it. The Ottous head is already poking out of the shell. Ready or not….

    /MOON

    /ITCH

    Belamorte (screaming in horror, the ends of his tentacles emanating smoke): OMG DEACON! That’s the last time I let you eat a Mongol Heart Burger with extra raw onion!

    Metaphysical Demon: My lifeforce is leaving me….

    You have set off a trap! You must learn more about the creatures of the wild…

    And you damn man, take some Pepto Bismol or something.


    Thedeacon (jumping up in surprise): Holy crap! The garbage can just exploded!

    Belamorte (plugging his nasal hole with two tentacles): Jesus H. Mocham! Is it any wonder?

    Thedeacon: Belamorte!

    Belamorte: OMG j00 have set up us t3h bomb

    Thedeacon: what you say?

    Garbage Flea #1: All your base are belong to us!!

    Garbage Flea #2: CORN!

    Garbage Flea #3: My eeeeeeeeeeeeyes! Burniiiiiiiiiiing!

    Garbage Flea #4 (sniffs the putrid mess): dude.

    Garbage Flea #5: dude!

    Garbage Flea #6 0MFg.....DUDE!!!

    Thedeacon: DUDE!

    Belamorte: Deacon! Pull your pants up and let’s go! Time for action!

    Your Strength is required to be at least 550
    Your Agility is required to be at least 550


    Thedeacon: Belamorte, I can’t get them back up! I don’t have the skill to pull my pants up!

    Belamorte: Oh that’s just fantastic. We’re being mobbed by garbage fleas and I get to look your great big flabby naked gray ass hanging out.

    Thedeacon: Hey waitasec. I work out. My ass is as tight as two stale Kaiser rolls.

    Belamorte: Two stale Kaiser rolls that have been soaked in gravy and reet lard. Quick Deacon, get Metaphysical Demon out here!

    Metaphysical Demon: My powers are at your disposa---oh God, you didn’t even wipe! My powers are leaving me…

    Garbage Flea hits you for a small amount of damage that wouldn’t really bother a well built character, but cuts through your gimp ass like a hot knife through butter

    Belamorte: Deacon! You must activate…

    Thedeacon (shoots at the four foot immobile bug standing 13 inches from his feet, yet somehow manages to miss): No! I mean….it’s only for emergencies…

    Belamorte (fighting off several more garbage fleas): We’re being attacked by giant man eating bugs covered in your own excrement, Deacon. Does this not classify as an emergency???

    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Already casting nanoprograms
    Executing Saemus’ Crystalizer
    Please wait for previous action to complete

    Take it easy…

    Um, I mean “Please wait for previous action to complete”….whew, forgot what patch it was…the Take it easy bug was fixed....really, you believe us, right?


    Thedeacon: What’s going on?

    Belamorte: Lag spike.

    Garbage Flea #5: ….

    Thedeacon: How come we’re frozen like this?

    Belamorte: I would come up with an explanation, but you would only question the world and surrounding reality. Instead, try to forget the terms “Suspension of disbelief” and “realistic physics” ever existed and just let your mind drift. Welcome to Anarchy Online.

    Five seconds later…..

    Thedeacon: Emptying my mind of all thought was easier than I thought! In fact, I’d venture to say that it felt rather natural.

    Belamorte: It’s only the fact that I agree with you that I am withholding my comment.

    Thedeacon: Saemus’ Crystalizer is now casting. Just wait and you’ll see a pet even more spectacular than Metaphysical Demon!

    Belamorte: I’ve seen adventurers charm lets more spectacular than Metaphysical Demon.

    Thedeacon: Any second now…

    Five minutes later….

    Belamorte: Is it still casting? Jeez!

    Thedeacon: Well, this is so uber that it would be unbalancing for us to insta cast it.

    Belamorte: Or cast it sometime within the next three days…

    Thedeacon: Any second now…

    Belamorte: You said that any second ago

    Thedeacon (feeling beard stubble begin to grow on his chin): Any second….Really, it would be unbalancing for me to cast this any faster.

    Belamorte: Either that, or the devs wanted to see you twirl your hands in the air for hours like an idiot.

    Thedeacon (holding up a ball of Concentrated Crystalized Energy: /ROCKY There! Casting completed! Now I must combine the Concentrated Crystalized Energy with the Rusted Iron-bound Funeral Urn to make an Energized Rusted Iron-bound Funeral Urn. Now mere seconds after I right click the Energized Rusted Iron-bound Funeral Urn, you will witness the might of the Tormented Revenant!

    Belamorte: I’m underwhelmed.

    Thedeacon: Any second now….Really, if I were to cast this any faster, it would be unbalancing….

    Five minutes later….

    Thedeacon: Any second now…..

    Tormented Revenant: My powers are at your disp-- *sniff sniff* Jesus, man! If I weren’t already a dead skeleton, that stench would have killed me. And why is your naked butt hanging out?

    Belamorte: Um Deacon? The garbage Fleas fell asleep… *sniff* or died.

    Tormented Revenant: I really am tormented I think. I don’t even have a nose and I can smell you!

    Thedeacon: Oh come on, you’re exaggerating! It doesn’t smell that bad.

    Tormented Revenant: It smells like my rotting body shortly after I died. Put me back in the urn please.

    Thedeacon: Nu-uh mister! You have no idea how hard it was to acquire your urn (Thedeacon has a brief flashback of Omnis, Inner Sanctum, a dress, a jar of mayonnaise and singing Elton John songs while a sweaty omni atrox made kissy noises at him)

    Tormented Revenant: I saw that flashback, Deacon. In neither life nor death have I ever witnessed anything quite that disturbing. I’m ready to die again.

    Thedeacon: no way mister…..you’re going to finish the mission with us and drug those damned mutants until they can rise no more! Here, hold this extra bag of Spiked Food Sacks ™…..but DO NOT eat them.

    Tormented Revenant (drooling bone chips and dust as a hungry look overcomes his empty eye sockets): I promise, Deacon. I won’t *munch munch* eat the *munch* delicious *crunch* *swallow* food sacks…But say, isn’t drugging mutants out of the blue to keep them from rising a sign of animal cruelty?

    Ark-Clueless (in invisible spy mode): Ahhh! So Thedeacon DID dupe the foodsacks AND he’s handing out drugs…..This looks like a job for….

    ARK-CLUELESS!!!

    Ark-Clueless: Lava warper and ARK Power Abuser ™ equipped, armed and ready.



    Stay tuned for chapter 3……
    Last edited by THEDEACON!; Jul 8th, 2003 at 19:40:59.
    Nanomage: The OTHER other white meat

  2. #2

  3. #3
    lol even better
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so lowly, This day shall enoble his rank. And gentlemen in England, now abed, Shall think themselves accursed they were not here; And hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

    General of Adrenaline Rush

  4. #4
    rock on deacon!
    always good to see that at least some of us arent all about whining
    MP
    Fixer
    Member of Vox Populi
    "The difference between insanity and genius is only measured in success"

  5. #5
    Good work as always Deacon.

  6. #6
    Another classic from THEDEACON!, Once again you managed to get my office thinking I am mad as I laugh away at my desk

    Huggles to deacy

    lilnymph
    Lilnymph - Clan Fixer - RK1
    lilnymph wrote on November 21st, 2003 08:01:01:
    You may take our postcount threads, but you will never take our FREEDOM!!!!!
    Originally posted by Cz
    The post count is mine! All mine! Mwahahahah!

    40.476190476190474% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?
    Style over Substance

  7. #7
    Mwah! Well-done! Now I have to explain my boss why I was laughing so much at work... and hence, why I was on AO boards instead of working

    J/K

    But still very very funny
    Jen Markarian - Put the weirdness back in Omni-Mining
    Updating my stories -- 19/03/08. Going slowly, but certainly
    Anarchy Reloaded - AO webcomics for the sake of being silly

    I never want to lose what I have finally found
    There's a requiem
    A new congregation
    And it's telling me: go forward and walk
    Under a brighter sky
    -- Delerium, Euphoria --

  8. #8
    You must work at a very nice, albeit somewhat strange office, Lilnymph, that they still let you work there

    /me considers trying to find out where Lilnymph works to see for himself what it's like when he visits Great-Britain next week

  9. #9
    Originally posted by lilnymph
    Another classic from THEDEACON!, Once again you managed to get my office thinking I am mad as I laugh away at my desk
    But you *are* mad, lil!
    Originally posted by Whaambulance
    Hi.

    This is singlehandedly the stupidest post I have EVER read on these forums. Congradulations.
    'Balancing' Nanos Will Remain Imbalanced Vs. Old Nanos - Because We Said So!

    O Gaute, Gaute! Wherefore art thou Gaute?
    Deny thy nerfs and refuse thy lame design decisions;
    Or, if thou wilt not, be but on the forums,
    And I'll no longer be a whiner.

  10. #10
    Fantastic!
    Reverend Revelator Ramagano, Proud Something of Alpha Omega

    Alpha Omega: Fighting For Your Future, Today

    No, I'm not back.

    How embarrassing, after all these years it turns out I CAN'T spell **ncom with an F and a U, talk about egg on my face eh?

  11. #11
    ROFL.

    Too funny. I sympathize with Bela, it was a little too graphic even for me.
    Clan Elder of The Pilgrims

  12. #12
    eep!
    Heals - they're not just for tradeskills anymore
    Hypos omni doc RK2 <-- stupid enough to have thought that going past level 150 would help her be a better doc
    Phlair omni mp RK2 solo char
    Nerfbat omni enf RK2 awarded the hammer of braveness
    Shadow Ops

  13. #13
    Weeee!!! Deacy saved the day for me again!

  14. #14
    LMAO again. all i can say is chapter 3!!!!!!!!!!
    Therefore, Those who know martial arts do not wander when they move, and do not become exhausted when they rise up. So it is said that when you know yourself and others , victory is not in danger; when you know the sky and earth, victory is inexhaustible. ~Sun Tzu's The Art Of War~


    Rypley (Belive it or not)
    President of Red Tigers retired

    Tyvek Advisor of DI-RT

  15. #15
    Originally posted by Evilspork
    But you *are* mad, lil!
    hehe that is true, and the directors seem to finally be cottening on to this little fact

    And to Marc, the only people who can tell me off for having the forums open are the directors, and since I put in an average of 40-50 hours a week, they seem quite inclinded to let me surf the forums occasionally

    Sigh, I need a holiday hehe

    hugs

    lilnymph
    Lilnymph - Clan Fixer - RK1
    lilnymph wrote on November 21st, 2003 08:01:01:
    You may take our postcount threads, but you will never take our FREEDOM!!!!!
    Originally posted by Cz
    The post count is mine! All mine! Mwahahahah!

    40.476190476190474% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?
    Style over Substance

  16. #16
    i'm glad i've never seen an ARK like clueless


    great stuff bro



    Bump
    Carmilla - 210 Shade
    Zerosnake - 220 Agent




  17. #17
    Originally posted by lilnymph
    Sigh, I need a holiday hehe

    hugs

    lilnymph
    So when can I buy you guys those drinks? I should be able to take some leave around the end of August/beginning of September and I need someone to show me around London and be a translator.
    Originally posted by Whaambulance
    Hi.

    This is singlehandedly the stupidest post I have EVER read on these forums. Congradulations.
    'Balancing' Nanos Will Remain Imbalanced Vs. Old Nanos - Because We Said So!

    O Gaute, Gaute! Wherefore art thou Gaute?
    Deny thy nerfs and refuse thy lame design decisions;
    Or, if thou wilt not, be but on the forums,
    And I'll no longer be a whiner.

  18. #18
    lol Evilspork, first I need to get some time with her myself (our schedule's are conspiring to keep us apart at the moment)

    and this story is still good the 3rd time I read it deacy

    hugs

    lilnymph
    Lilnymph - Clan Fixer - RK1
    lilnymph wrote on November 21st, 2003 08:01:01:
    You may take our postcount threads, but you will never take our FREEDOM!!!!!
    Originally posted by Cz
    The post count is mine! All mine! Mwahahahah!

    40.476190476190474% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?
    Style over Substance

  19. #19

    Angry

    I hate you Deacon.


    Why the hell do you have to stop writing ??, MAKE A DAMN BOOK!!


    Here i sit boored at work eating every word you write with a huge stupid grin that makes everyone stop and ask what porn side i am browsing, and suddenly there is no more to read.

    Oh btw, WHERE THE F!!!! ARE YOUR OLD STORIES ??!???!?!?!?!?!? I can't find all of them, only a few remains even on Storm boards.


    BRING THEM THE HELL BACK!K!
    Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Don't Get Sucked Into Jet Engines

    Seven Deadly Sins
    Seven Ways To Win
    Seven Holy Paths To Hell
    And Your Trip Begins
    Seven Downward Slopes
    Seven Bloodied Hopes
    Seven Are Your Burning Fires
    Seven Your Desires
    Agent suggestions by Sjofn : -new ql 190 nano "Call Airstrike", drops a Heckler on the target.

  20. #20
    Originally posted by Chazmyr
    Why the hell do you have to stop writing ??, MAKE A DAMN BOOK!!
    Don't you pay attention to the news? He's a poor hobo pervert with bad hygiene who likes feet, what publisher would work with him?!

    Originally posted by Whaambulance
    Hi.

    This is singlehandedly the stupidest post I have EVER read on these forums. Congradulations.
    'Balancing' Nanos Will Remain Imbalanced Vs. Old Nanos - Because We Said So!

    O Gaute, Gaute! Wherefore art thou Gaute?
    Deny thy nerfs and refuse thy lame design decisions;
    Or, if thou wilt not, be but on the forums,
    And I'll no longer be a whiner.

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