A day in the life of Riahmant

A bright sun fills the room of a very brightly colored Jobe apartment as one can make out what looks like a tiny figure still in bed with a daunting figure on the side of the bed.
THWACK!! a smacking sound pierces the air like a hot knife through butter. The figure rolls around in bed only to mumble "that better be the cold sweet release of death from this headache or someone is getting fired". Master Riahmant its noon a metallic voice sputters.. Jesus Fons why'd you kick me so hard? Well shouting at you didn't work so I tried the next best thing. The figure in bed finally opens his eyes, taking in his surroundings trying to see where he is, ah there's his scantly clad picture of lorren warr autographed "To Riah with love", what in the world went on last night I remember something about the dancing atrox but beyond that its all a blur he sits on the edge of the bed and notices an empty bottle of gin on the floor... ah its all coming back now he thinks to himself as he grins. So Fonsworth whats on the agenda for today? Well sir you had a meeting at ten am which you have obviously missed, the tiny crat rolls his hands and mouths the same phrase as the robot. Ok beyond that Fons. Beyond that sir you have a 10 am tee time with master Ryph at lush hills. Ah nothing like a good game of golf with old player two huh fonsworth? I wouldn't know I don't golf sir. Yeah but Ive never seen you pass the 3rd hole gin or the 4th hole Mai tai. This is true sir. Ok so anything after golf? No sir the day is wide open whats left of it. Oh but wait you do have to fire Johnson from accounting again today. Yes we did rehire him yesterday didn't we? Well sir you and master ryph said to re hire him only so you could fire him again today. The tiny crat smirks with delight. Thats true Fonsworth thanks for reminding me pal. Its no problemo sir. Ok so what should I wear today fons? The tiny crat rifles through the first closet tossing out various suits onto the bed. Ah there it is as he picks out a plain white dress shirt. Onto the next closet where he picks out a nice pair of slacks then to the last closet where suspenders and a tie are chosen. The next step is to pick out his guns one might find this funny to see such a little fella with such obviously large guns and have a chuckle at it but it best be a chuckle at 10 paces. Ok now for the hard part fonsworth what headgear? As he looks at the shelf many stand out but, yes there's the one that catches his eye his old faithful tier 2 helmet. Something about this helmet just makes me feel more powerful. "Could it be because it makes you 2 feet taller sir" the robot says with a very sarcastic voice. Har Har fonsworth, you know Johnson may not be the only one getting fired today. I doubt it sir we're amigos and you know this. Thats so true Fonsworth.. as a little tear wells up in the nanomage's eye high five good buddy high five. By now the little crat and his robot pal have wasted another hour as they take notice of the time. Well Mr. Fonsworth Bentley are you ready to tackle the day? I was ready to tackle the day at 4 am sir. Thats good because I was trying to tackle the bed then but now I'm ready.


(this is my first time posting in here look for more to come based off of the life of fonsworth bentley and Riahmant)

When are we going to get more?

((Damn I digg Fonsworth:) ))

As I sit here behind my desk looking at the paperwork in front of me that I have no intention of doing I cant help but wonder how I became a Bureaucrat. I mean as the sole son of two atrox enforcers, the friend of the best neutral enforcer Mr. Ryph, clan enforcer Yakamo,Lorren Warr's lover, one would think I was an enforcer. Fonsworth why am I a crat? The robot perks up thinks for a moment.... I'd say it was destiny that you became one sir or else who would I work for? I guess your right fons but wouldn't it be cool if even for just one day I got to be an enforcer? I guess so sir but lets remember your knack for going to reclaim easily. Thats why I use insurance Fonsworth. OK so heres my plan when I go over to lorrens tonight for dinner I want you to sneak off grab her spare Blood mace. Sir I must protest she will rip me limb from limb!! No she wont Fons lets not forget who's her little crat muffin. Sir may I speak freely? If I said no would it stop you anyways Fons? Probably not sir. Then go ahead if you must. Sir I'll be the first to admit the two of us have been a part of some truly stupid ideas,plots,and schemes over the years but this one really has me worried. Well you shouldn't be worried Fonsworth look in the time it took you to say that I drew up a plan on how to do this. The two spend the next hour looking over a doodle on a cocktail napkin and throwing thier arms in the air shouting at each other its quite the comical sight for any passer by to watch. Ok so then its settled Fons tonight operation "pasty enforcer" goes into effect.
Later that night on the jobe platform the tiny crat and his robot pace around nervously as they try and go over all the details of this plan. OK so I sneeze you run to the bathroom as I fall over from sneezing then when in the bathroom you sneak out and over the patio to her bedroom closet and nab the mace,stash it in the yalm and we're golden. Yeah but. Before the robot could say anymore the crat cut him off "you never heard Napoleon say yeah but did you?" Yeah but you make jokes about Napoleon all the time. Well linoleum blown apart is a funny joke Fons look we're doing this and thats that.
While sitting at the dinner table all the sudden the tiny crat lets loose a sneeze that could shake a building. A deafening silence fills the room. Lorren pulls her angelic face up from her dinner what wrong little man?" Oh I think I have a cold oh its bad oh Its horrible achoo achoo achoo. Sound to me like little man might be up to something the rather large atrox says. Oh nothing dear just these sudden colds its from all those visits to eastern foul plains to see Ian. Meanwhile in the bathroom.... Sure send me to do your dirty work Riahmant figures as much.This is the mantis den all over again "yeah Fons you swim into the green stuff its totally safe" the robot says in a riahmant sounding voice. Or that time in inferno when you made me solo that heckler. All the sudden fonsworths com link opens up "hey c-3pnot did you get it yet?" No now shut up. The robot shuts the link off, it opens again "what have you lost your mind dont tell me to shut up!!!!" I'm not good with directions now shut up.
To be continued

LOL!@!!!


<3 this!

phun stuffz :)

Our story picks up back in the dimly lit office of our tiny hero, Its late
but nothing will stop him from getting his work done .....well almost nothing....
Hey Fonsworth check out the behind on this trox as the little crat waves the latest issue of playtrox (arguably the most confusing magazine ever published. Amazing, considering the lack of content). Sir I have no intrest in your readings, No no fons this is research, For what? the robot snaps back. Um um project 22 and six tenths the crat sputters out. Sir I've never heard of that project and I know all your projects. Its a super secret project fons....highly classified. My security clearance is higher then yours sir so let me see your tps reports on this as the robot walks towards the desk. NO! the tiny crat shouts, then procedes to throw some papers at the robot like that will stop him and tries to run around him... not happening. See sir you arent working your sitting around looking at dirty trox magazines..again...the robot sighs. The tiny crat being held by one foot upside down looks at the robot and says "oh sure persecute me, god
forbid I say anything when your reading home and garden". The robot lifts the crat up eye to eye, hey bub its so that I can keep our office and home tidy. Oh sure whatever fons Ive seen that magazine what with all the throwpillows I know what your up to. The robot drops the tiny nanomage and turns around to hit his head on the wall when riahmant gives him a purple nurple. Oh its on now sir.... the two tussle around on the floor like a couple of ninnies for a few seconds before the alarm goes off in the office. Sir aliens they are attacking the city, quick fons to the riahmant mobile. The two quickly race to the bright pink and orange yalm. Riahmant stops for a second, smiles and mutters to himself "style", Sir! we must go the robot yells. Alright alright fons keep your pants on.

As the two near the divine shadows org. city it becomes overly obvious that they are under attack......Oh my god fons this is my song they were playing this the other night at rompa bar, as the tiny crat cranks the music up. SIR SIR! watch out you almost hit that alien ship! What ship fons? That one, the robot points to a rather large spaceship. Where I dont see any ship? Right infront of you, ohhh that ship I thought you meant that other ship as the crat points to nothingness. Well either way you ready little buddy? You know it sir. Alright well lets do this, just then the ships intercom comes through as their leader Pillbaby shouts... WHERE ARE YOU TWO? We're almost there phhbt hang on, hey pill can we get cool handles? "No now shut up and get down here" yeah yeah yeah we're on our way...... to be continued

( About time you continued with that story, Riah. Don't you ever let me hang like this again or I swear I imprison you in a tiny room with nothing in it except a typewriter. :D GOOOOoooo Riah! )

edit: messed up smilies, doh!

ok ok to tie you over a bit pax (master ^^)
Two troxes walk into a bar the second one goes ouch

in a whirl of smoke and chaos theres a tiny figure leaned up against a tree sitting down.....
*cough cough* oh hell what happened there fons......fons.......where are you....... Im here master.....the little crat looks all over, where i cant see ya........up here sir. Riahmant looks up to find his robot in a tree with a good portion of his yalm all on the ground around him.....What happened? And how'd we get here buddy? I think an alien shot us out of the sky.....those rat bastards we're so gonna beat them up huh Fons? If you say so sir but can we take the day off at least now? Well...Before the crat could say yes his Com-link opens "FEDIRICO RIAHMANT FELLINI" it blares are you screwing around with fons again? its his wife Saraghina calling from the battlefield. No dear....theres been an accident......we got shot outta the sky Im not to sure where though we are a bit lost. I told you that you should work on your map navigation skills! Yes dear. *ZAP* the com link goes dead. Well drat, fons no com link no ship and no clue where we are Id say we're in some trouble. I think I agree sir. Well I should get up and we should get you out of that tree. Okay sir. Just then the ground begins to shake and fons falls out of the tree. Holy smokes was that an earthquake? Just then the very tree fons was in starts to move...........oh crap fons thats no tree its a fosgrim. The tiny crat turns his head upwards and shouts "AWWW COME ON GIVE US A BREAK ALREADY!" The tree is obviously pissed fons.... I say we make like a tree and leaf! Get it fons get it? Sir its stunned no time for jokes just running. The two make a break for it and safely get away. Several hours pass the sun is hot over the field they are walking through as they limp together. Man next time we get shot out of the sky lets do it over lush fields Fons, Sounds like a good idea sir you know they let robots play blackjack there? Really?! Yeah. Wow I never knew that, so thats why you like going there so much eh? Yeah last time I cleaned house there. Really? What did you do with the money? Booze and a new nose. Ah I thought that looked new. Yup won a bunch of creds and then bingo bango new nose for fons. Well why do you need a nose? Makes me look distinguished. Well it works for you Fons. Thank you sir.

So where do you think we are big fella? Not a clue fons not a clue. The two walk for many more hours as the second sun sets and night sets in they decide to set up camp. Ok fons i found the wood you get the fire started...Fifteen min. late a nice fire glows the empty field the tiny crat and his robot are huddled together staring into the fire shooting the breeze. When there is the distant sound of a yalm over head the two dont notice it. Yeah so the secret to a good burger is a little beer over the meat prior to cooking fons. Intresting wha wha. A figure appears infront of them. Heya what are you two doing out here? As the figure gets closer its wait no it couldnt be its Paxcorpus. PAX! oh my god am I glad to see you there were aliens and talks of atroxes then we got shot outta the sky and have been wondering lost all day! The fixer chuckles to herself and mutters "why dosent this suprise me", well come on you two I'll grid us outta here. Wait where are we? Your in east foul plains Riahmant. Ah ok...well lets get outta here before the tree finds us. The tree? Yeah trust me you dont wanna know. Leaf it to you two to piss a tree off, get it leaf? The tiny crat chuckles yeah i get it.

The room is dark, only a dim desk light lights the room from a distance it looks as though the master is hard at work. As I walk farther into the room I notice hes not moving yet I hear him muttering so I walk in closer to inspect. Riahmant are you asleep again! (as i think to myself if he's asleep again the head depts gonna kill me hes supposed to be working on this new agreement for some tax law thing.) *just then the figure at the desk jolts up* BOO!!!!!!!! *as the robot drops his things*
Ok you little jerk that wasnt funny! Why do you insist on scaring me like that? Aww relax Fons that was way funny. No sir that wasn't and it's "aww relax fons that was funny" you dont need way in there Ok ok Im sorry. Your fingers are crossed behind your back aren't they? Sure why not. So whats up Fons did you bring my copy of atrox monthly? Yes sir its right here your article is on page 9. See fons this is all part of my master plan, while other crats are putting articles in newland times, or The Borealiser, Im going right to where the common man reads. Genius sir
Hey Fons you wanna go on an adventure? What about your campaign sir? It can wait see if we go on an adventure and do soemthing wicked awesome then people will be like "thats my kinda crat." Or if we go on some nonsense adventure, and get our butts kicked people will be like "what a blundering idiot." You've got a point there Fons, well get my pajama's the ones with the feet on the pants legs this will be an overnighter for sure and don't forget your headgear for your braces. So where are we going sir? I don't know Fons, but then again thats half the fun of our adventures I'd say. Yeah I'd have to agree I mean we've had some wild ones in our years here on rubi ka. * the robot turns to start packing the group's things and looks up to the sunrise as we fade into memories of the past*

Alright Fons it adventure time where should we go? What should we do? We should go to the store and get some milk! Sir your lactose intolerant. Good point Fons, lets go there and get some atrox porno, oreo’s, guniness, and some bullets so I can shoot things on this adventure. Sir that’s about the worst shopping list I can think of we need to be prepared when we go out on these things and not jerk around. Yeah yeah yeah fons but people know me for jerking around its like Im the king of Jerkopolis! Um sir......never mind. Yeah I know Im the king why else would I wear this helmet. The robot chirps quietly “to look as ridiculous as humanly possible” but Riahmant being his self absorbed self is too busy posing in the mirror to notice. Come on Fons to the store we go, tally-ho!

Meanwhile at a local advanced supplies store the tiny crat walks up to an atrox worker.......

“Hey there legs got a name to go with those tree trunks?” Excuse me sir?! Ok toots Im looking for oreo’s, some bullets, a backpack or twelve, some first aid kits Fons do we really need all this crap? Yes sir you do. Ok we also need some malt liquor, dirty magazines, some baseball bats, nano kits, and ummmm some streamers for my yalm. “Ok sir” the big atrox ponders a moment you need isle 5 for the nano kits, bullets, and first aid kits. The backpacks and baseball bats are isle 76 and the malt liquor and dirty magazines are isle 11. And the streamers? “I don’t think we have any sir.” Oh well screw this fons I want a form to bull doze this place! Sir we really don’t need streamers for the yalm. But but but fons it will make us look so fast................FINE WHATEVER BUT DON’T BLAME ME WHEN WE DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH BECAUSE WE DIDN’T HAVE STEAMERS!

Later outside the store......
Ok so now that we’re stocked its adventure time you ready fons? Yes sir lets do this! Where should we go fons? Hmmm should we wander around the perpetual wastelands a bit? Ok sounds like fun to me. As we watch our hero’s prepare to enter their yalm and fly off into the sunset the tiny silhouette of the crat turns around and begins to wave. Sir who are you waving to? My people Fons my people can we get some pie on the way there? No sir we cant. Ok works for me

(( B E A Utiful.. makes me wanna roll an Atrox just to get harrassed by Riah. :p ))

(part of this instalment is filmed live infront of fonsworth and myself, sure we annoyed some people made a fool out of ourselves but we had fun doing it and hope in the end the enjoyment for others is worth it. the stuff in bold from other players is actual ingame chit chat and so are my lines in it for the most part.)


As you watch our gallent hero's bright pink yalm fly through the air, one couldnt help but wonder what kind of person would fly such a thing. This kinda guy would! Wouldnt that be a totally awesome opening line to the official Riahmant movie Fonsworth? To be honest sir I'm not really sure, I mean it has the zing but is there the market for such a feature? Sure there is Fons, we all know there is I mean look at me Im freakin hot. Sir I had a idea for our next adventure why don't we find the guy that wrote your logic program, I'd like a copy for myself. Ha almost funny Fonsworth, I don't have a logic program though. Obvious. No fons Im not really sure what our next adventure should be. Maybe instead of a new adventure we should spend some time with the people of rubi ka get to know them you know back to our roots. But sir the restraining orders. What are they gonna do fons arrest us? The tiny crat starts to set a flight path to Borealis let the adventure begin. Fons get the video camera. The bedroom use only one or non bedroom? Non please Fons.

We watch as the tiny crat roams the city streets of borealis when he starts to approach a rather large atrox enforcer it's his old friend Powerworker. So large our tiny hero barely comes to his knees. All the sudden the quiet bustle of the city streets are broken..... POWER!Riahmant you old fart. hows it going? good good. Just so you know your on tape.Great! Fons and i are shooting our new documentry.Oh about what? The life of Riahmant, its about our general greatness. I see...the atrox ponders a moment. Well with all youre money im sure you are great, so how is to be riahmant? Yeah we are stupid rich but we blow most of it on atrox pornography. SIR YOUR MANNERS! Fonsworth chimes in. Never change Riahmant the large atrox chuckles almost falling to his knees. I'll try not to, and you don't either old friend!

After our run in with Powerworker, we decided to take a trip to the world famous Neuters R Us (what we worked hard we deserved a good cosmo!) While we were there we noticed another old familiar friend of ours Alienhunter a younger soldier from the HUGE org. ALIEN! I need your help! What is it Riah? Well fons and I are out shooting our new movie a piece for the people of Rubi ka an epic piece about the greatness that is Riahmant. The soldier quickly interjects Bartender chop chop....im gonna need it..... Anyways we go back a bit so I need you to look deep into the camera and state your fondest Riahmant memory. The soldier bangs her head on the table. Well, there was the pande raid where u wanted to be tank, not mezzer. Ah yes I remember that one I don't think that helped my popularity. But if i recall, managed to be de facto RL because u were calling the mezzes True true that was a good one, bartender more drinks im dryer then the perpetual wastelands over here! SIR YOUR MANNERS Fonsworth chirps in. Yeah yeah yeah Fons I know.
As the two sit back and drink a younger still engineer walks into the bar. His name is Pipinghot hes not a stranger to the old crat. HEY YOU! the little one shouts and points. YEAH YOU....PIPINGHOT COME OVER HERE WE'RE DRUNK AND NEED TO TALK TO YOU. Sir im giving up on your manners the robot protests. Look deep into the camera and state your favorite memory about me. Well, its seems not so long ago.......but I remember when Riahmant asked me to look into the camera and state my favorite Riahmant memory. Oh I remember that, I think I was there. Im pretty sure you were that's a pretty fancy hat you have there. Envy of many I bet. making reference to the pumpkin helmet our hero is so used to wearing at all times. If you have enough money then you get to be called "eccentric" Yeah I'm wicked cool like that well its that time...PEOPLE OF BOREALIS I SALUTE YOU! sir we're in newland city.................

((Heh heh, keep it up Riah, RK2 would be a far less fun place without you buddy))

Fons whats the date today? Why sir its October 19th, did you loose your calender? No I just didnt wanna be responsible for looking at the calender. The Big robot rolls his mechanical eyes (one of the best robot upgrades ever in his mind) ok then sir, why did you want to know the date? Well I know its almost the thirty first, and you know what that means. You're gonna have too much candy be annoying for about 4 days until the sugar rush subsides and you crash much like a crack addict. Besides that Fons it means that our Mentor will be returning to rubi ka. David Blane is coming here?! No Fons, turn your coolent system on you're about to over heat I think. No I mean him you know.....Uncle pumpkinhead. I didnt know your mother had a brother sir. The tiny crat holds his head in his hands shaking it from side to side. You know what I mean Fons.

Come on Fons lets go outside for a walk. Ok sir. I love this time of the year Fons, all the candy, the decorations, the general mood the little crat sputters out while strapping on his trademark signature pumpkin helmet. You think I look like him at all? The little crat says with joy in his voice. Yeah but alot shorter, and Im pretty sure he dosent use guns. Well yeah but you know what I mean. Regardless of the fact its a good look for you. Thanks Fons, thats mighty nice of you to say. Lets go make some mischief Fons, tis the season afterall. But sir your campaign. Screw the campaign Fons Im pretty sure this is what he'd rather have us do.........

<3 Team Riahmant


(more to come as the season grows)

The West Athens Jams Tour.....
One of the strangest things about the Team Riahmant West Athens Jams Tour was that all documentation minus this post and a few posts to come was either lost or destroyed. Not only was I lucky enough to witness and record the tour from start to finish I was wise enough to swallow my laptop whole. Three months later my finest work returns to me. The contents of the upcoming posts are real, and terrifying. The screen you are reading is an exact replica of the original. Even this intro page is me testing out the new keys on my keyboard and the random buttons I'm pressing are all coming out in sequence just like this.

Flash "scoop" Parker

Henceforth Team Riahmant shall be known as TR. This is a technique I've developed to save wear and tear on the keys of the keyboard their expensive and I find that,even if I shorten a few words in every story I do, that I can save between three and four dollars annually. During the first quarter of the fiscal year one must be especially sparing with the keys, for its plastic coating weaken with every keystroke, Oh holy cow what am I even typing!

After a 87 hour flight on the back of a chirop we all landed in Duhndar northwest of West Athens. We decided to soak up some local culture and take a leet pulled rickshaw ride to West Athens. Sometime around the 4th hour of our ride through the desert up a small moutain one of the leets suffered a massive heart attack and passed out peacefully at the side of the road. Sadly the rickshaw full of insturments fell down the moutain and was destroyed. We took a taxi the rest of the way and arrived at The Cup in West Athens ten minutes after the show time. As luck would have it TR's opening act was a local singer by the name of Riahment who with his backup band used all the same equipment that TR did but before TR could talk with riahment he ducked out of the theater thus immediately canceling Team Riahmants opening show and he was asked to leave.

TR was not paid.