all over a drink

((Be kind it’s my first rp work. I'm not a great writer so please constructive feed back would be very much appreciated.
Ps I know the spelling it bad. ))

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It was raining again, it rained so often in omni entertainment, a strange name considering there was much entertainment, it always seemed dark and harsh around here, he thought quickly shifting, bones snapping into place, to form a more human shape, as he entered the bar, he could never get used to it, no matter how often he did it, its just part of the job, like so many other things he casual mused. As always it was a quite night, so mach quieter here then that other retched place, he it was quite, a good place for loaners, hard workers and clan betrayers, he was never sure which he was, but the drinks tasted good and that was all you could ask for.

He stared at the neon glare the of lights of the bar as the bartender placed down the cool dark brown liquid and hurried off to serve another awaiting customer, and then he quickly drew it to his lips quietly cursing the lack of any effects, he some times wondered if he should try get some of the OT contraband Tir stuff, the kind of thing that trox miners drink. No sooner had he thought it then he banished the issue from his mind , best not to even think such things, agents are never far away and those kind of thoughts can get you shipped out.

It had been so long since he came to Rubi-Ka he had forgot what it was like before, he never regretted coming here though, Rubi-Ka was a wonder of a world, with lands ranging from green forests to endless still deserts, more then any explorer could ever want. but in all this time, he had come to sometimes regret joining omni-tek, when he arrived it had been clear, join omni-tek and get a job for life, a home, a reason for being, for a long time it had seemed the right choice, he had seen what the clans had done in the name of ‘freedom’ and wanted no part of it, at least when OT killed it did so to restore order, OT was family, sometimes a harsh farther but never leaving its children wanting. He had always accepted that, it was the price of happiness and in the name of omni-tek he had killed and done his work, killing became easier when you know it’s not permanent.

Then come the shadowlands, due to the expansion in the shadowlands sectors OT had been shipping any mid level members out to the front, explorers first, any way you cut it, it meant one thing, the chosen, also know as the unredeemed. At first the quest to help ergo and pushing back the brink was easy to deal with, the horrors of the evil destroyers easy to kill, but beneath that shiny extra was the chosen, serving omni-tek meant that you were working day in and day out with such evil that it shock your dreams at night, you couldn’t say much for the so called ‘redeemed’ the clans worked with ether, a stuffy, cold bunch, but even they looked like angels in comparison with the chosen, the more you advanced the darker it became, the more power you amassed the heavier your became heart at night, feeling the cold grip of the chosen soul binder each day, to feel it creeping into your mind. Realising that you had come to far and gained to much to throw it all away for morels, maybe it changed you too, he count’s tell anymore. Suddenly a approaching figure jolted him out of his thoughts and a moment of fear and panic at such a display of unwise thoughts in public, then as the figure sat down heavily on a stole and orders a beer it was clear it was just another over worked officer, or at least it appeared to. He quickly drank the last drops of the sweet liquid and hurried out into the harsh night.

(Well it looks to me like the thoughts kinda spilled out onto the post. To make it more clear, you need to have a firm grasp of what the idea you are trying to get across is, and then figure out how to say that so that someone else would understand it. Aside from that, the thoughts look like they could come together to make an interesting story, so keep writing.)

(( I like it as a first story I thought it was good. and had no problem in seeing were he was comeing from , but then maybe that is me )).

If you want Colas I can break it down for you with specific questions, but that's up to you.